Think-Talk

Do you think people can really change? Like really make an effort to change who they are, wipe clean the mistakes they made and become a better …

Can People Really Change?

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Happy New Year 2021 once again my people. I pray the very best of the year, that will compensate for the prior year, for you and all that concerns you.

Join this interesting and eye-opening conversation started by #Olivia Lucie Blake. She publishes awesome posts, like this one, and can be found at #olivialucieblake.com. If you don’t already know or follow her, please do so today. 😍 Thanks.

Don’t forget to also read the equally thought-provoking comments on this post on her site.

Change is inevitable, but Change is a Choice!

When we enter a New Year, we enter with all great intents of becoming a new person. It starts with the intent to change. Some make the New Year resolutions proposing to be healthier, fitter, friendlier, save more, etc.; the list of proposed changes is endless. The question is: how long does the resolution last? This leads us to the topic of Change.

Change is good! Change is inevitable! Change is a choice! We’ve all heard these statements at one time or the other. Some changes are forced on us by circumstances. Some are shoved at us by our environments or workplace structuring or restructuring. However the change comes to/at us, we often have to willingly embrace it because resisting it brings more heartaches and/or frustrations. A great example is the covid-19 (a post for another day).

Some changes are self-imposed. I believe that these are the best and lasting ones.

Here’s my Comment on Olivia’s Post

I believe that lasting change is possible. The motivation for lasting change comes from within. The external pressures however makes it difficult to sustain. Internal (Intrinsic) vs. External (Extrinsic). We need to know the root cause of the action. One of my favorite things is to use the analogy of a tree. If you plant a tree and the tree grows but becomes a “nuisance,” such that it encroaches the neighbors’ fences … what do you do? You cut it, right? (p.s. better to know the law of your city and seek professional help in doing this). But, if you choose to cut the branches that are overextending to the neighbors, they will regrow sooner or later. The solution, in my opinion, and in order to avoid constant bickering that might lead to a potential lawsuit, is to uproot or cut the tree at its trunk and deaden the stump. This analogy applies to both change and cheating, and more. Bottomline: Permanent change is possible willingly or forcibly. It’s a choice to make!

Couple of my Lasting Changes

I used to be both a social smoker and drinker. When I became a lover of Jesus Christ several years ago 😊, the first thing God took away from me was the drinking. To His Glory, I haven’t tasted any kind of alcohol since.

However, the choice to stop smoking came from within as I grew in my relationship with the Holy Spirit. I remembered that I had the desire to be holy, but smoking, suddenly felt somewhat out-of-place with the “new me.” The desire to stop smoking kept retracting. I would have the urge, go out to buy a pack, smoke two or three sticks, throw the remainder in the trash (as in crushing each remaining sticks), and then repeat it the next day! One day I got tired of the cycle and cried out to God to help me stop it. I realized three days after that I hadn’t smoked nor had the urge to. The rest, as we always say, is now herstory; a part of my testimony, and a proof that lasting change is indeed possible.

On the question of cheating

The statement that “once a cheater (or a liar or fill-in-the-blanks), always a cheater (or a liar or fill-in-the-blanks)” was included in #Olivia’s post. Personally, this is debatable. There are both truth and fallacy to the statement. I can understand why anyone who has experienced a cheating spouse or partner would be reluctant to give the “cheater” a second chance, but can we forgive? God’s Word (Matthew 18:21-22) says that we should forgive four hundred and ninety times (490)! It just means that we should cut each other some slacks!!!

Also, there are often underlying issues when cheating and abuses are present in relationships. Knowing what the root cause is, and finding the solution, will help both the “cheater” and the “cheated.” May God help us all.

I can however categorically state that I have never cheated anyone in relationships; pre- or post-marriage. Post-marriage is somewhat mute as we are not supposed to in marriage, but, friends, you’d be surprised to know that some folks do. It is mostly common with men, but few women have been known to indulge in it as well. Adultery is bad!!!

A “cheater” will continue to cheat if the partner or spouse enables them. Enabling can stem from fear that the “cheater” might leave them and/or withdraw “some benefits” from them. This is not a good place to be and both need help.

Cheating and the many hats

We all wear many hats. As such, cheating (as well as several issues) can be viewed from several perspectives. Environmentally, culturally, familial, religiously, all can be root causes; including as one commenter (#Ellen Carey) stated, experiences. I however still believe that we can change each of these root cause if we choose to. It’s a Choice! It might not be easy, but with determination and commitment (#Ellen Carey) , we can and will prevail.

Your Turn

What are your thoughts on the topic: Can People Really Change? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments and remember to visit #Olivia Lucie Blake’s site.

Thanks for reading, sharing, and commenting. 😍✌🏾