Should family and conflict go together? I’m not talking about “you forgot to put the trash out,” “you didn’t do the laundry,” or “said ‘hello’ when you walked in.” I’m talking about deep issues such as a family member intentionally slandering another out of their own insecurities or stealing or falsely accusing another, etc. In a big family setting, when such happens, there’s a tendency for the family to be split even though the slandering, robbery, or accusations are baseless and unjustifiable. How does the family move past those things?

In Part 1, I blogged about the importance and paradox of family, including causes of family conflicts, its complexities, and psychological insights and introduced the power of understanding and communication as an effective strategy. I continue today with recommended strategies for managing family conflicts. Read on.

The Power of Understanding and Communication

If we understand the theories and factors that go into how our family dynamics work, they can help us better navigate the conflicts, look at our family members with empathy, and use effective communication strategies.

Navigating Family Celebrations Amidst Conflict

So how do you put this into a real-life scenario? Let’s say you are at a family celebration which is supposed to be a space full of connection and joy, but there has been unresolved conflicts in the family. Such unresolved conflicts, can stir up tension at the event. In this case, there are three recommended conflict management strategies that can be chosen to engage in.

• Option 1: Avoidance

The first of these options is avoidance. Avoidance is exactly what it sounds like: it means avoiding contact with the family member with whom one is in disagreement and completely ignoring the fact that there is an issue going on. The issue with this conflict management strategy is that avoidance does not lead to any kind of resolution or improvement in the underlying issue. If the issue is not addressed, the avoidance will continue at every meeting or gathering with the family, and the issue will prevail and possibly get worse.

• Option 2: Present a United Front

The second common conflict management strategy is presenting a united front, pretending like everything is fine. This might look like the family is getting along and the issue is resolved, but if family members are breeding contempt and holding grudges internally, this is just setting the stage for a bigger explosion of negative emotions and issues in the future.

The strategy of engaging in dialogue is the only sustainable strategy that actually improves and resolves issues that any family might be experiencing

• Option 3: Initiate a Dialogue

The third option is to initiate a dialogue. This conflict management strategy requires courage and honesty. It requires the family to come together and talk about the present issue with the well-being of every party involved. Initiate a dialogue with the opportunity to mend rifts and reinforce bonds or even restore broken bonds. The strategy of engaging in dialogue is therefore the only sustainable strategy that actually improves and resolves the issues that your (or any) family might be experiencing.

Let’s take a look at some tangible strategies for conflict resolution.

Strategies for Conflict Resolution

The most effective conflict resolution will involve a combination of different communication strategies.

1. Setting Boundaries

A good starting point for conflict resolution is setting boundaries. Setting boundaries can ensure that you interact with other family members in a respectful manner. This might mean that you have to establish rules against personal attacks or loud arguments during family celebrations. By setting boundaries that communicate that you will not tolerate attacks and yelling, among other things that make you uncomfortable, you can create a safer space for everyone involved.

2. Using “I” Statements

“I” statements can also be very useful when expressing feelings without blaming or attacking others. For example, instead of saying “You always ruin family celebrations,” you could try saying “I feel upset when our gatherings end in arguments.” By using this approach, you encourage empathy and reduce defensiveness.

3. The Power of Active Listening

Another critical tool is active listening. Instead of interrupting and formulating responses while the other person is still speaking, try to truly hear and understand them. Show them that you’re paying attention, and before you respond, confirm that you understand what they have said and show empathy to their perspective.

Weighing Pros and Cons

The above strategies have their pros and cons. Sometimes, boundaries can be perceived as very restrictive, and ‘I’ statements can require practice to be effective. Not everyone will get used to this the first time they try it.

Active listening can also be challenging, especially when there are lots of heated emotions involved.

The effectiveness of these strategies therefore will vary depending on the nature of the conflict you are experiencing, the personalities of the family members involved in the conflict, and the specific context of the family celebration.

The cornerstone of any conflict resolution process is honest and respectful communication

The cornerstone of any conflict resolution process is communication that is both honest and respectful. If you communicate clearly, openly, and address underlying issues, you can help clear any misunderstandings and find a solution that is acceptable to everyone involved. Always remember, it’s not just about winning an argument. It’s about strengthening your family relationships, fostering understanding, and creating a more harmonious environment.

Creating a Harmonious Family Environment

Creating a harmonious family environment is not only about resolving conflicts properly. It’s equally important to foster the connections you have with your family members in a positive and constructive way. This can take many forms, for example

• Engaging in Shared Activities: One approach could involve engaging in shared activities and hobbies that you and your family members enjoy. This can be further strengthened by being inclusive and encouraging all family members who are interested to take part in these activities.
• Focusing on Commonalities: Try to focus on commonalities, things that you share, instead of the things that might make you different or that you disagree on. This positive focus can naturally reduce areas of disagreement.
• Participating in Family Traditions: If there are traditions in your family that have existed for a long time, these are great opportunities to participate, foster unity, and reduce chances for conflicts. These can be group games, storytelling sessions, or collaborative tasks.
• Consistent Effort and Understanding: Through consistent effort and understanding, you can achieve a more peaceful family life. Don’t lose hope if everything seems chaotic right now. Through your own actions and the willingness of your family members to contribute to working on these issues, you can create a more harmonious environment in your home and at family gatherings and celebrations.

Nurturing Family Relationships

Now that you have an insight into the value of family, the paradox of family conflicts, and have been equipped with strategies for handling conflicts, you/ are on your way to creating a more harmonious family environment for yourself and those around you.

The beauty of family celebrations and family get-togethers, when embraced with understanding, true repentance and forgiveness, far outweighs the challenges that come along with it. So get together, have that conversation, and remember to always be honest, respectful, and empathetic.

Approach family conflicts with a positive, solution-oriented mindset and you will soon reap the rewards of the work and effort you put into your relationships with your loved ones.

Please share in the Comments if you’ve had a family conflict and how you dealt with it. Thanks for reading and sharing.