The consensus is that finance and sex are the culprits for most arguments and divorces. Do you agree? Maybe.
I strongly believe though that finance and sex are by-products. If all other things are right, the marriage can survive. Take for example, if the one who desires more sex suddenly becomes unable to give or have it; then what?
Or the one who has the financial edge suddenly doesn’t …?
Ponder on those for a moment. 🤔
That was a digression. Anywho,
The Story
I shook my head in utter disbelief.
Each had feet dug in the sand seemingly immovable. Each was bent on calling the other unthinkable names trying to justify each other’s action. And none was gonna relent.
My spirit was grieved within me. This is not going well.
I asked; “how old are you both and how long have you been married?” The essence of the question was not really to know their ages; which I do know, but to stop them in their tracks and have them ponder on their behaviors.
I got up and headed for the door. Slowly turned the knob and closed it back as quietly as I could.
But smh 🤦🏾♀️ they both didn’t notice me leave.
Anyone who is, or has been, married, knows that one does not need to be a certified marriage counselor or a relationship expert to pinpoint the root of marital arguments or relationship problems.
Finger pointing
It took a week before the man called me
I was reluctant to answer his call
Should I? Shouldn’t I?
I let it roll to the voicemail. “Let him leave a message” I muttered to myself. And he did.
Yes, he apologized for his actions, but guess what?
“She caused it …” was his justification. That’s all I needed to hear to delete the voice message,
My take
Common root causes of arguments, between married couples, are
1. Incompatibility. The couples didn’t take time to fully know each other, nor
2. Did they identify each other’s core values which are non-negotiable
There are values that are negotiable in marriage and relationships, but core values are not. (this will be for a future post)
3. And then there is what I coined, “the beauty and the beast” syndrome. This happens when the man is in a relationship with a beautiful woman. The man often sabotages the relationship out of his own insecurity. He can’t believe how or why such a woman would end up with him. And rather than allow the relationship to thrive, he muddles it up with suspicions and rhetorics that frustrates the other person. Questions every movement and action of his partner causing unnecessary confusion. He becomes jealous, envious, and enraged. Or could he have been the jealous and envious type and those negative traits merely surfaced?
This could go the other way, too; where the man is the beauty and the woman is the “beast.” But this is rare.
So, what is the solution?
The only way such a relationship can last or thrive is by one of the party “trivializing the suspicious comments.” That is, become an overnight comedian. If not, the relationship ends prematurely or one or both parties end up with terminal illness. Terminal illness might be an overreaction, but the marriage will be stressful.
What if trivializing doesn’t help?
I’m glad you asked.
Will be continued. Stay tuned 😊
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