Think-Talk

Let’s talk about family members hurting one another.

Family

Your family is your safety net, protection and shelter from the cold bitter world. All that the family provides are blankets we automatically wrap around ourselves. These include comfort, safety, protection, all-round help, unconditional love, shelter, and more. But, what happens when all these blankets, or even one of the blankets, are/is pierced, broken, and/or removed for whatever reason?

One becomes vulnerable and prone to everything one was supposed to have been shielded from. But, let’s be real with one another, this happens, is happening now as I write this post, and will probably happen if we do not find ways to prevent or mitigate it.

Why does it happen?

I have always wondered why family members hurt one. While for some families, the answer(s) might not be far-fetched, for other families it might be deeply-rooted, and yet for others, it might be a mystery.

Family members hurt one another another for various reasons, often stemming from unresolved conflicts, misunderstandings, or emotional wounds. Sometimes, hurtful actions are unintentional, driven by stress, frustration, or lack of communication skills. Other times, they may result from deeper issues such as unresolved traumas or long-standing resentments within the family dynamic.

Samples of Family Hurts

I have seen and heard of siblings yelling at each other at a family member’s wedding, to the disappointment of family and guests. I have also heard family members throwing punches at a funeral, and altercations at a family member’s graduation. These are moments of joy (except, of course, the funeral) that these actions marred. Those actions will forever be remembered. So how can we navigate the family terrain after these occurrences?

Navigating the Terrain

Navigating the terrain after hurts can be challenging but essential for healing and restoring relationships. Some steps to consider include:

1. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings
   Allow yourself and others involved to acknowledge the pain caused by the hurtful actions. Validate each other’s emotions without judgment, recognizing that everyone’s feelings are valid.
2. Communicate Openly
   I believe in an open communication of all parties involved. Having ground rules in place is also important. Once the rules are in place, initiate a dialogue for all to express their thoughts and feelings in a calm, respectful manner. Encourage active listening and seek to understand each other’s perspectives without defensiveness or blame. A live dialogue, at a neutral setting, is always best. The dialogue can be started via any interactive media platform. This will hopefully help save lots of time before the actual live.
3. Seek Understanding
   Try to uncover the underlying reasons behind the hurtful behavior. Approach the situation with empathy and curiosity, recognizing that there may be deeper issues at play.
4. Set Boundaries
   Establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm while allowing space for healing and reconciliation. Clearly communicate your boundaries and expectations regarding future interactions.
5. Forgiveness
   Consider the possibility of forgiveness as part of the healing process. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean condoning or excusing the hurtful behavior but releasing the emotional burden and moving forward with a sense of peace.
6. Seek Support
   Lean on trusted friends, family members, or a therapist for support and guidance as you navigate through the aftermath of hurts. Talking to a neutral third party can offer perspective and facilitate healing.
7. Focus on Self-Care
   Prioritize self-care practices to nurture your emotional well-being during this challenging time. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and fulfillment, and make self-compassion a priority.
8. Work Towards Resolution
   Collaborate with family members to find constructive solutions and resolve underlying issues. Be willing to compromise and find common ground for the betterment of the relationship.

Final Thoughts

Remember that healing from family hurts takes time, patience, and effort from all parties involved. All involved must be on-board to move past the hurt. By approaching the situation with empathy, communication, and a commitment to growth, it’s possible to navigate through the pain and rebuild stronger, more resilient relationships within the family.