Marriage, at its core, is a partnership. It’s a union where two individuals come together, bringing their unique perspectives, values, and strengths to create a life together. But what happens when questions of freedom and equity arise? Are they essential to a healthy marriage, or do they undermine its foundation?

It all depends on which side you fall: the women’s liberation movement advocates for both freedom and equity in marriage. However, conservatives, traditionalists, and even some Christians, opine that they are taboo in marriage. Which side is right?

First, let’s explore what freedom and equity mean in a marital context and whether they should play a role.

It’s about recognizing the unique contributions each partner makes and ensuring both feel valued, respected, and supported.

Defining Freedom and Equity in Marriage

Freedom in marriage doesn’t imply living as though single or disregarding the partnership. Instead, it means having the space to grow as an individual while remaining committed to the relationship. It’s the ability to pursue personal goals, hobbies, and dreams without fear of judgment or control from your spouse.

Equity refers to fairness, not necessarily equality. It’s about recognizing the unique contributions each partner makes and ensuring both feel valued, respected, and supported. Equity acknowledges differences in roles, responsibilities, and needs while striving for balance in the relationship.

What Freedom in Marriage Looks Like

1. Emotional Independence: Each partner feels free to express their thoughts and emotions without fear of rejection.

2. Personal Growth: Both individuals are encouraged to pursue their passions, careers, or educational goals, with mutual support.

3. Autonomy: Decisions aren’t made unilaterally. Instead, there’s room for personal choices within the boundaries of the relationship.

4. Trust: Freedom thrives where trust exists. Each partner trusts the other to act in the relationship’s best interest, even when apart.

What Equity in Marriage Looks Like

1. Fair Division of Responsibilities: Household chores, childcare, and financial responsibilities are divided based on each person’s strengths and circumstances, rather than rigid roles.

2. Valuing Contributions: Whether one partner earns more or one stays home, both contributions are seen as equally significant to the success of the marriage.

This is a very important issue for couples. Most married women (and lately, stay-at-home Dads) feel undervalued because their spouses don’t value their contributions staying at home.

3. Mutual Decision-Making: Both partners have a voice in important decisions, ensuring no one feels overshadowed or disregarded.

Another bone of contention in marriage; especially Christian men who have been told that they are the head of the family. As such, most unilaterally make decisions without consulting their wives or seeking her input.

4. Support During Life’s Seasons: Equity recognizes that there are times when one partner might need to step up more due to circumstances like illness, career changes, or personal challenges.

Should There Be Freedom and Equity in Marriage?

Some might argue that freedom and equity could undermine the unity of a marriage. They believe marriage should be about sacrifice and submission rather than individuality or fairness. While sacrifice and compromise are vital in marriage, freedom and equity don’t negate them.

In fact, a marriage that incorporates freedom and equity is more likely to thrive. Here’s why:

• Freedom prevents resentment: When individuals feel stifled or controlled, it breeds resentment. However, freedom doe not mean having men’s night outs and picking up ladies to the hotel/motels. Nor does it signify that ladies’ night outs are for misbehaviors that you will be ashamed of the next day.

Freedom within boundaries fosters trust and respect.

• Equity promotes unity: Feeling valued and supported creates a sense of partnership, reducing power struggles and fostering harmony.

• Both enhance emotional intimacy: When partners feel free to be themselves and know their contributions are appreciated, it deepens emotional connection.

How to Cultivate Freedom and Equity in Marriage

1. Open Communication: Set expectations, boundaries, and aspirations before marriage. Discuss them openly and regularly should they need to be revised.

2. Set Boundaries: Freedom isn’t about acting independently without regard for your spouse. That is utter disrespect and disgrace to your home. Establish mutual boundaries that honor the relationship.

3. Prioritize Fairness: Regularly evaluate the division of labor, financial responsibilities, and emotional support to ensure fairness.

4. Celebrate Individuality: Encourage each other to pursue personal passions while staying invested in the marriage.

5. Be Adaptable: Life changes, and so do needs. Be willing to adjust roles and responsibilities as circumstances evolve.

To men who feel that their wives are seeking “unnecessary equality” under the feminist liberation movement, it’s important to approach this topic with both understanding and clarity. Here’s a perspective to consider:

Understanding Submission and Equality

1. Submission Is Not Inferiority: Many men interpret submission as women relinquishing their voice, opinions, or independence. However, true submission in a marital context, especially from a Christian perspective, is about mutual respect, love, and support. Ephesians 5:21 emphasizes mutual submission, not domination.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,”

2. Equality Doesn’t Cancel Roles: Seeking equality doesn’t mean disregarding gender roles or responsibilities. It’s about ensuring fairness and mutual respect. A wife asking to be heard, respected, or valued isn’t a rejection of submission but a call for partnership.

The Misunderstanding About the Feminist Movement

While the feminist movement has been criticized for its extremes, its core message often centers on fairness and the acknowledgment of women’s contributions in all areas of life—including marriage. When a wife advocates for fairness or autonomy, it’s not necessarily about aligning with a feminist ideology but about ensuring her voice and needs are respected.

What a Healthy Marriage Looks Like

1. Leadership Doesn’t Mean Domination: A man’s role as a leader in marriage, as often referenced, is not about control but about servant leadership. A true leader uplifts, listens, and works for the betterment of the partnership.

2. Mutual Submission Strengthens Bonds: When a wife feels heard and valued, she is more likely to reciprocate with love, respect, and support. This reciprocity creates a harmonious and fulfilling marriage.

What Submission Is Not

It’s Not Silence: Submission doesn’t mean a wife cannot share her opinions or disagree. Healthy relationships thrive on communication and shared decision-making.

It’s Not Control: A husband should not seek to control his wife’s choices, thoughts, or actions. And vice versa. Love and trust form the foundation of marriage, not dominance.

Encouraging a Balanced View

If you feel your wife is asking for “too much,” consider this:

• Are her requests about fairness and respect, or are they rooted in rebellion? Most wives are simply seeking acknowledgment of their value, not trying to take over the leadership role.

• Is there a way to meet her needs without feeling like your leadership is being undermined? Leadership in marriage should never feel threatened by fairness; it thrives in it.

By fostering mutual respect, love, and understanding, both partners can thrive in their individual roles while enjoying a partnership that reflects unity, not division.

Final Thoughts

Freedom and equity in marriage aren’t about creating distance or keeping score—they’re about fostering a relationship where both partners feel seen, heard, and valued. When done right, they strengthen the bond between spouses, creating a partnership that’s balanced, fulfilling, and built to last.

So, should freedom and equity exist in marriage? Absolutely. Because a marriage that honors both individuality and fairness paves the way for a deeper, more enduring love.