Marriage is one of the most significant decisions anyone can make. It is not merely a social contract or a romantic endeavor; it is a life-altering commitment that can either elevate your existence or become a source of profound sorrow. The adage, “Divorce is evil so choose wisely before you marry,” underscores the importance of making this decision with foresight and God-care.

The Weight of Marriage

Marriage is often portrayed as the ultimate expression of love, but beyond the flowers, rings, and celebrations, of the wedding day, lies a partnership that shapes your future. When you marry someone, you intertwine your life, dreams, and even your destiny with theirs. A harmonious marriage can serve as a foundation for personal growth, emotional well-being, and mutual fulfillment. Conversely, a mismatched union can lead to emotional turmoil, hinder personal development, and in some cases, obstruct your life’s purpose.

“Marrying the wrong person can be harmful to fulfilling your destiny.”

The Consequences of Marrying the Wrong Person

“Marrying the wrong person can be harmful to fulfilling your destiny.” This statement reflects a profound truth. The wrong partner can stifle your growth, dampen your ambitions, and create an environment of negativity and discord. Emotional abuse, lack of support, and conflicting life goals can drain your energy and leave you feeling trapped.

Furthermore, a toxic relationship can have ripple effects that extend beyond the personal sphere. It can affect your career, your mental health, and even your social connections. The emotional strain from a troubled marriage often leads to stress, anxiety, and depression, which can cloud judgment and reduce productivity.

Recognizing Toxic Signs During Courtship

“Watch out for toxic signs during courtship …” Courtship is not just a romantic phase; it is a critical period for understanding your partner’s values, behaviors, and compatibility with your life goals. Recognizing red flags during this stage can save years of heartache.

Some toxic signs to watch out for include:

1. Controlling Behavior: If your partner tries to control your decisions, friendships, or even your appearance, it’s a major red flag.
2. Disrespect: Consistent patterns of belittling, sarcasm, or dismissive attitudes should not be ignored.
3. Lack of Communication: Effective communication is the backbone of a healthy relationship. A partner who avoids honest discussions or shuts down conflicts without resolution can lead to future issues.
4. Incompatible Values: Differences in core values, such as views on family, finances, or religion, can create long-term discord.
5. Emotional Unavailability: A partner who cannot openly express emotions or empathize with your feelings may struggle to build a deep, meaningful connection.

Choosing Wisely: The Path to Fulfillment

Choosing the right partner doesn’t mean going scouting for someone at the bars, night clubs, or parties. Choosing wisely involves more than just love and attraction; it requires introspection, patience, and discernment. Biblically, the man seeks the lady out and not vice versa as it’s now being done.

Above all, designate 3 to 7 days (longer, if you wish) to fast and pray – seek God on your lifelong choice of your future spouse.

Here are some guidelines to help make a wise choice:

• Know Yourself: Understanding your own values, goals, and needs is essential before committing to someone else.
• Seek Compatibility: Look for a partner whose life goals, values, and personality align with yours.
• Prioritize Emotional Intelligence: A partner who can empathize, communicate effectively, and handle conflict maturely is invaluable.
• Observe Under Stress: See how your partner handles challenges and conflicts. Stress often reveals true character.
• Listen to Trusted Voices: Friends and family can offer valuable perspectives that you might overlook in the throes of romance.

The Bible on Marriage and Divorce

In the Bible, marriage is seen as a sacred and important union, and God’s teachings on marriage and divorce are found throughout both the Old and New Testaments. Here are some key scriptures and insights on marriage, divorce, and finding the right partner:

1. Marriage as a Sacred Union
   • Genesis 2:24 – “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
   This scripture, contrary to some belief, does not mean that you forget your parents once you are married. But, highlights the unity that marriage creates, where two people become one in a spiritual and physical sense. God established marriage from the very beginning of creation.
   • Matthew 19:4-6 – “And He answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.’”
   Jesus reaffirms God’s original design for marriage, emphasizing the unity and permanence of the relationship. He adds that marriage is a covenant that should not be easily broken.
2. Divorce
   • Matthew 19:8-9 – “Jesus said to them, ‘Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.’”
   Jesus acknowledges that divorce was allowed in the Old Testament due to the hardness of people’s hearts but stresses that God’s original intention for marriage is lifelong. Divorce is permitted only in cases of marital unfaithfulness.
   • Malachi 2:16 – “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
   This verse emphasizes God’s disdain for divorce, seeing it as a form of betrayal. He calls for faithfulness and integrity in marriage.
3. Choosing the Right Partner
   • Proverbs 18:22 – “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
   This verse highlights the blessing of finding the right spouse, indicating that marriage is a gift and a favor from God.
   • 2 Corinthians 6:14 – “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”
   The Bible encourages believers to marry those who share their faith. A partnership with someone who doesn’t share the same values or belief can lead to significant challenges.
   • Ephesians 5:22-33 – In this passage, Paul gives instructions to both husbands and wives, explaining the roles within marriage. Husbands are to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loves the church, and wives are to respect and support their husbands. The relationship is based on mutual love, respect, and submission to God.
4. Guidance on How to Build a Strong Marriage
   • 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 – “Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
   This passage is often referred to as the “love chapter,” and it provides an essential foundation for any marriage. True love in marriage requires patience, kindness, humility, and sacrifice.
5. Praying for the Right Partner
   • Matthew 7:7-8 – “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”
   While this passage speaks generally of God’s willingness to answer our prayers, it also applies to the desires of the heart, including seeking a good partner in marriage. God desires to bless His people, and part of that blessing includes finding the right spouse.
6. God’s Will in Marriage
   • Romans 12:2 – “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
   Before seeking marriage, it’s important to align oneself with God’s will and pursue His guidance. The process of finding the right partner should be one rooted in seeking God’s direction.

Conclusion

Marriage can be a beautiful journey when you choose wisely. It can serve as a catalyst for personal and collective growth, or it can become a source of enduring pain if entered into without careful consideration. Remember, divorce may be an option, but it is often fraught with emotional, mental, and financial turmoil. By being vigilant during courtship and making a thoughtful, informed decision, you increase your chances of a fulfilling, harmonious, and purpose-driven life partnership. Choose wisely, for your future depends on it.