This is a three-part Series (could be more) delving into men, their multiple relationships, and the women who aide them.

Polyamorous by Nature?

The question of whether men are naturally wired to be polyamorous is a complex one, involving biology, psychology, and culture. While evolutionary theory suggests that men may have a greater innate inclination toward multiple partners, this does not mean they are destined to be polyamorous or that monogamy is unnatural for them.

The Evolutionary Perspective

From a biological standpoint, evolutionary psychologists argue that men have historically benefited from spreading their genes to ensure reproductive success. Since men can father numerous children with multiple partners, whereas women have limited reproductive capacity, some theories suggest that men evolved with a tendency toward seeking multiple mates. This is often contrasted with women’s inclination toward selectivity, as they invest more time and resources into pregnancy and child-rearing.

However, this perspective does not imply that men are incapable of monogamy. Evolution also favors pair bonding, particularly in environments where offspring survival improves with the presence of both parents. Many men develop deep emotional connections and strong commitments to a single partner, which is also an evolved trait.

The Social and Psychological Factors

While biology plays a role, human relationships are also shaped by social structures, personal values, and emotional needs. Many men desire emotional security, companionship, and stability, which monogamy provides. Additionally, societal norms, religious teachings, and personal ethics often discourage polyamory and encourage long-term, exclusive partnerships.

“Self-control, commitment, and the ability to prioritize emotional bonds over fleeting desires differentiate humans from animals. It’s really the essence of what sets committed relationships apart from fleeting desires.”

Psychologically, while men may experience attraction to multiple women, this does not mean they must act on it. Self-control, commitment, and the ability to prioritize emotional bonds over fleeting desires differentiate humans from animals. Many men choose monogamy because they value trust, family, and emotional depth over short-term gratification.

The Role of Culture and Conditioning

Cultural influences play a huge role in shaping relationship dynamics. In some societies, polygamy is accepted and even encouraged, while in others, monogamy is the standard. Historically, men in positions of power have often had multiple wives or concubines, reinforcing the idea that men are “naturally” polygamous. However, in modern societies, many men are raised with the expectation of forming monogamous relationships, which affects their behaviors and preferences.

Best Relationship Fit

Rather than asking whether men are naturally wired to be polyamorous, the better question might be: What kind of relationship structure best serves a man’s emotional and personal fulfillment? Some men thrive in monogamous relationships, while others may prefer non-monogamous arrangements. Ultimately, the choice comes down to personal values, emotional maturity, and the agreements made between partners.

What Personal Values or Agreement would make a lady/woman desire to share her man with another lady/woman?

If foolishness and ignorance are values, then kudos to those ladies/women involved. But, interestingly, several possible reasons have been posited. They range from cultural upbringing to personal beliefs and even emotional or practical considerations. Here are a few key factors that might influence such a decision:

1. Cultural and Religious Norms

In some societies, polygamy is widely accepted and even encouraged. Many women in these cultures grow up understanding that marriage may involve multiple wives, and they adjust their expectations accordingly. Religious beliefs can also play a significant role – some faiths explicitly permit or even promote polygyny (one man with multiple wives), and women raised within these traditions may see it as normal or even beneficial.

2. Economic and Social Benefits

In some cases, sharing a husband can provide financial stability and security. A man with multiple wives may be wealthy or powerful, offering a lifestyle that an individual wife might not achieve on her own. Additionally, in traditional societies, having multiple wives could mean shared responsibilities in raising children and managing a household, reducing the burden on any one woman.

3. Fear of Losing the Relationship

Some women accept sharing their man because (out of ignorance or stupidity) they fear losing him entirely. If a man expresses a strong desire for multiple partners but is still committed to supporting and caring for them, a woman may agree rather than face the possibility of separation or abandonment.

4. Emotional and Psychological Factors

Not all women see exclusivity as the defining feature of love. Some believe that love is about connection rather than possession, and they may be more open to non-monogamous arrangements. In certain cases, some posit that a woman who feels secure enough in her relationship doesn’t see another woman as a threat. There are also cases where women, due to past experiences or personal inclinations, simply don’t feel a strong need for monogamous exclusivity.

5. The Illusion of Control or Special Status

Some women agree to share their man because they believe they hold a unique position in his heart. They might think they are the “main” partner or the “first” wife, which gives them a sense of superiority over the others. This mindset can sometimes make a woman feel secure, even when sharing. Lie from the pit of hell!

6. Love Can Blur Boundaries

Love often makes people tolerate things they never thought they would. A woman deeply in love may be willing to make sacrifices she never imagined. (Yes, for her children or family if she’s in a monogamous marriage. Why make sacrifices for the polygamous village – that’s the man/husband’s headache, in my opinion.) Sometimes, this means accepting an arrangement that isn’t ideal for her but feels necessary to keep the relationship intact.

7. Some Women Prefer Non-Monogamy

While less common, some women genuinely prefer non-monogamous relationships. They may not feel the same level of possessiveness over a partner or may even enjoy the dynamics of a polyamorous or polygamous arrangement. True, this has been posited even by some of the young ladies involved. But such ladies say so because the man is wealthy; or from the outside, the man portrays wealth. I’m yet to see such ladies say so in a struggling or poor marriage.

8. Lack of Options or Societal Pressure

In societies where men significantly outnumber women in terms of financial stability or social status, some women may feel they have no better option than to enter a shared relationship. Societal pressure, family expectations, or a lack of eligible partners may push them toward accepting such arrangements.

Final Thoughts: Nature vs. Choice

While biological tendencies may suggest that men have the capacity for polyamory, it is not a universal or uncontrollable trait. Just as people override other natural instincts (such as aggression or selfishness) in favor of social cooperation and moral values, men can and do choose monogamy when it aligns with their personal beliefs, emotional needs, and societal expectations.

While some women agree to share their man for practical or emotional reasons, many do so out of necessity rather than genuine desire.

In modern, individualistic societies, women are increasingly prioritizing their own emotional needs and choosing relationships where they feel fully valued and respected. But in other settings, whether due to culture, love, or circumstances, some women continue to accept shared relationships.

Ultimately, it comes down to personal values, emotional security, and what each individual is willing to tolerate or embrace in their relationships.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Do feel free to comment. Let’s understand all perspectives.

Thanks for reading.