This is the second in this Series. We’re talking about men and their multiple amorous relationships, especially in marriage, and the women who aide them. Jump in and let’s have a conversation to understand all points of view.

In Part 1, we discussed whether men were naturally wired polyamorous. We looked at the various factors that might influence (or justify) this behavior. Click here to read Part 1. My anchor quote is;

“Self-control, commitment, and the ability to prioritize emotional bonds over fleeting desires differentiate humans from animals. It’s really the essence of what sets committed relationships apart from fleeting desires.”

This statement/quote supports the notion that men are indeed capable of mono-amorous relationships. Based on this statement, the question becomes: why do men stray away from their mono-sexual relationships or marriage?

The idea of men desiring multiple women, despite being in committed relationships or marriages, is a complex issue rooted in biology, psychology, societal influences, and personal choices. While not all men act on or even entertain such desires, the phenomenon is widespread and has existed throughout history. Let’s explore the primary reasons why men may feel drawn to multiple women, even when they are in committed relationships.

Reasons Often Tendered

1. Biological and Evolutionary Factors

From an evolutionary standpoint, men have been wired to seek multiple sexual partners to increase their chances of passing on their genes. In ancient times, this strategy ensured greater offspring survival, as more children meant a higher probability of genetic continuation. Unlike women, who invest heavily in pregnancy and child-rearing, men can reproduce with little biological investment. While modern society no longer operates on primitive survival instincts, these evolutionary tendencies still influence male attraction and desire.

2. The Thrill of Variety (Novelty Seeking)

Many men experience a strong desire for novelty in their sexual and romantic lives. This is tied to dopamine, the brain’s pleasure chemical. Read more about dopamine here. The excitement of being with a new woman triggers a dopamine rush, creating feelings of pleasure and exhilaration. Over time, long-term relationships may feel predictable, leading some men to crave the excitement of new experiences. This is one reason why affairs often start—not necessarily due to dissatisfaction with their lady/woman, but because of the thrill of something new.

3. Ego Boost and Validation

For some men, sexual attention from multiple women serves as validation of their attractiveness, power, or status. Being desired by many women can create a sense of superiority, confidence, and self-worth. This is especially true for men who tie their masculinity to their ability to attract women. The more women they “conquer,” the more validated they feel—regardless of their commitment to one lady or their wife.

4. Social and Cultural Influences

Many societies have historically condoned or even encouraged male promiscuity. In many cultures, men are expected to be sexually assertive, and having multiple women is seen as a status symbol. In contrast, women are often expected to remain loyal to one partner. Even in modern times, movies, music, and social media frequently glamorize the idea of men having multiple ladies/women, reinforcing the notion that it is natural or even desirable.

5. Lack of Emotional Fulfillment

Not all cases of multiple sexual desires stem from biology or ego. Some men seek other women because they feel emotionally unfulfilled in their current relationship. If they feel neglected, unappreciated, or disconnected from their girlfriend/wife, they may look for that missing connection elsewhere. While this is not an excuse for infidelity, it does highlight the importance of emotional intimacy in sustaining monogamous relationships.

6. Power and Dominance

For some men, sexual conquest is not just about attraction—it’s about power. Having access to multiple women can make them feel dominant, important, or in control. This is particularly true for men in positions of influence, such as celebrities, politicians, and wealthy individuals, who often have more opportunities to engage with different women.

Ultimately, self-awareness, discipline, and respect for one’s partner determine whether a man allows his desires to control him or if he controls his desires. Society may encourage promiscuity, but true strength lies in resisting temptation and valuing deep, meaningful connections over fleeting pleasure.

7. Weak Self-Control and Impulsivity

Some men lack the self-discipline to resist temptation, even when they value their committed relationship. Impulsivity, combined with opportunity, can lead to poor decision-making. Alcohol, peer pressure, or access to willing ladies/women can make it even harder to stay faithful.

8. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

Some men, especially those who committed to one woman early in life, may feel they “missed out” on certain experiences. This can lead to a sense of regret or curiosity about what it would be like to be with different types of women. Even if they love their partner, the thought of variety can be tempting.

9. The Illusion That Commitment Equals Restriction

Some men see monogamy as a loss of freedom rather than a conscious choice. Instead of viewing commitment as a deep bond, they perceive it as a restriction on their desires. This mindset can make them resist monogamy, even if they remain in committed relationships.

10. Influence of Pornography and Over-Sexualized Media

With easy access to adult content, many men develop unrealistic expectations about sex and relationships. Watching different women in explicit situations can reinforce the idea that variety is more satisfying than commitment. Over time, this can shape their desires and behaviors in real-life relationships.

2. Weakened Immune System & Overall Health Decline

Even if a man uses protection, condoms are not 100% foolproof, especially against infections spread through skin-to-skin contact (e.g., herpes, HPV).

Engaging with multiple partners significantly raises the risk of contracting and spreading sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Some of the most common infections include:
   •   Chlamydia & Gonorrhea – Can cause painful urination, discharge, and infertility if untreated.
   •   Herpes (HSV-1 & HSV-2) – Causes painful sores and is incurable. It can be managed but remains in the body for life.
   •   Human Papillomavirus (HPV) – Some strains cause genital warts, while others increase the risk of cervical, throat, and penile cancers.
   •   HIV/AIDS – Weakens the immune system and can be fatal without treatment. Though HIV is manageable today, it still requires lifelong medication.
   •   Syphilis – Can start as a painless sore but, if left untreated, can lead to severe organ damage, neurological issues, or even death.

1. Increased Risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs/STDs)

11. The Role of Personal Values and Upbringing

While biology and psychology play a role, a man’s personal values and upbringing strongly influence how he handles his desires. Men raised with a strong moral compass, faith-based teachings, or deep respect for relationships often develop a mindset that prioritizes commitment over fleeting pleasure. Conversely, those who grow up in environments where infidelity is normalized may struggle more with self-control.

12. The Myth That “All Men Cheat”

A common belief is that “all men cheat” or that it’s impossible for men to be fully satisfied with one woman. This is not true. While the desire for variety exists, many men choose to stay faithful because of their principles, love for their partner, or the understanding that cheating often leads to pain and destruction.

13. The Modern Challenge of Social Media and Dating Apps

Temptation is more accessible than ever. Social media, dating apps, and even workplace interactions expose men to an endless stream of attractive women, making it easier to entertain the idea of infidelity. This is why self-discipline and intentional relationship-building are more critical now than ever.

14. Women’s Role in Addressing This Issue

While the burden of self-control is on men, women in relationships can also play a role by fostering emotional and physical intimacy. Many men remain deeply loyal when they feel emotionally connected, respected, and desired by their ladies/women. However, it’s important to note that a woman should never feel responsible for preventing a man from cheating—his choices are his own.

15. The Consequences of Acting on These Desires

While some men believe they can “have it all” without consequences, the reality is different. Affairs and infidelity often lead to broken families, emotional wounds, loss of trust, and personal regret. Even men who believe they can separate emotions from sex often find themselves entangled in complications they didn’t foresee.

16. The Distinction Between Desire and Action

It’s important to differentiate between feeling desire and acting on it. Desire is natural, but self-control is what separates men who honor their commitments from those who don’t. Just as people may crave unhealthy food but choose a balanced diet for long-term well-being, men who value their relationships must recognize that indulging every impulse leads to long-term damage.

17. The “Grass Is Greener” Illusion

Many men fall into the trap of thinking that another woman will be more exciting, fulfilling, or satisfying than their current lady/woman. However, the newness of an affair or side relationship often fades, leaving them in the same position; only now with broken trust, guilt, and emotional baggage. The problem isn’t necessarily the woman they’re with; it’s the inability to cultivate lasting passion within one relationship.
   •   Instead of seeking external excitement, men in committed relationships should invest in rekindling passion, deepening emotional intimacy, and creating novelty within their current relationship.

18. The Fear of “Settling Down” as Losing Freedom

Some men, consciously or subconsciously, see monogamy as a loss of personal freedom. They associate commitment with being “tied down” rather than recognizing it as a conscious choice that brings stability, depth, and growth.
   •   A shift in mindset is necessary: True freedom isn’t about indulging every impulse—it’s about making choices that align with long-term fulfillment.

19. Hypersexuality and Addiction

For some men, the desire for multiple women isn’t just about novelty—it’s compulsive. Hypersexuality or sex addiction can make it difficult for some men to stay faithful, as they seek multiple women to feed an emotional void, cope with stress, or numb personal pain.
   •   This is where therapy, self-reflection, and personal healing are necessary. It’s not just about wanting more women—it’s about why the need feels uncontrollable.

20. The Social Double Standard

Historically, men have been given more leniency for having multiple partners, while women are shamed for the same behavior. This double standard still exists today in many cultures.
   •   Men who desire multiple women should ask themselves: Would I be okay if my lady/wife desired multiple men in the same way? If not, then it’s not about fairness—it’s about self-interest.

21. The Role of Spirituality and Personal Discipline

For men of faith, resisting temptation isn’t just about personal integrity — it’s about spiritual discipline. Many religious teachings emphasize the importance of self-control, honoring one’s spouse, and resisting lustful impulses.
   •   Spiritual and moral grounding can serve as a powerful anchor, reminding men that long-term fulfillment comes from commitment, not reckless indulgence.

22. The Reality of Consequences

Men who desire multiple women rarely think about the full cost of acting on those desires. What starts as an exciting thrill often ends in:
   •   Broken trust – Losing the respect of a loving partner.
   •   Destroyed families – If children are involved, the impact is lifelong.
   •   Loss of reputation – A damaged personal or professional image.
   •   Guilt and regret – Many men who cheat later realize they traded something valuable for a fleeting moment of pleasure.
   •   Instead of viewing monogamy as a limitation, men should see it as a discipline that strengthens character, builds deep trust, and fosters emotional security.

23. The health risks of engaging with multiple women; especially in unprotected or casual encounters—are serious and often underestimated.

Constantly engaging in multiple sexual relationships, especially in secret or without emotional stability, can increase stress and anxiety. This, combined with possible STDs, weakens the immune system, making the body more vulnerable to other infections and diseases.
   •   Sleep deprivation, high cortisol (stress hormone) levels, and emotional instability from juggling multiple partners can contribute to fatigue, heart problems, and mental health decline.

3. The Risk of Unwanted Pregnancies & Legal/Financial Consequences
      •   Sleeping with multiple women without protection increases the chance of unintended pregnancies, leading to child support obligations, strained relationships, and even paternity disputes.
      •   Some men end up financially and legally entangled in child support cases for multiple children with different mothers. This can result in lifelong financial stress and fractured family dynamics.
4. Emotional & Psychological Toll
      •   The more a man engages with different women, the harder it becomes to form deep emotional bonds. Some develop commitment issues, leading to loneliness, dissatisfaction, and an inability to maintain a stable relationship.
      •   Many men who engage with multiple women may feel excited in the moment but later experience regret, guilt, and emotional burnout—especially when they realize they’ve hurt people they cared about.
5. Impact on Future Relationships & Reputation
      •   Some STDs, like herpes and HIV, have lifelong consequences. They not only affect physical health but can make it difficult to enter future committed relationships.
      •   A reputation for being promiscuous can make it harder for a man to find a lady/woman who trusts him. Many women avoid men who have a history of being with multiple women due to concerns about loyalty, health risks, and emotional baggage.

Final Thought:
Can These Desires Be Managed?

The answer is a BIG “Yes!” While these men’s desires may be natural, acting on them is a choice. Here are a few ways men can manage their sexual desires within a committed relationship:
   •   Strengthen Emotional Intimacy – The deeper the emotional bond, the less likely men will seek fulfillment elsewhere.
   •   Practice Self-Discipline – Just because a desire exists does not mean it must be acted upon. Self-control is key.
   •   Change Perspectives on Monogamy – Viewing commitment as a choice rather than a restriction can help men embrace monogamy.
   •   Limit Exposure to Triggers – Avoiding over-sexualized content and environments that promote infidelity can reduce temptation.
   •   Seek Professional or Spiritual Guidance – Therapy, counseling, or faith-based support can help men navigate these desires.

True Strength Lies in Self-Controll

Men desiring multiple women is a mix of biology, psychology, societal conditioning, and personal values. While the desire itself may not be entirely avoidable, how men respond to it determines the health and success of their relationships. Commitment requires effort, discipline, and a deep understanding of what truly matters—love, loyalty, and respect.

Desiring multiple women is easy—it requires no effort. But real strength is in resisting temporary urges to build something meaningful and lasting. Society glorifies quantity, but true fulfillment comes from depth, commitment, and shared experiences with one person who truly knows and loves you.

The Body Pays for Reckless Choices

Men who prioritize short-term pleasure over long-term health often find themselves dealing with physical consequences, emotional damage, and financial burdens. True masculinity isn’t about how many women a man can sleep with—it’s about making responsible choices that protect his body, future, and the people he cares about.