In recent years, polyamory and polygamy have gained attention as alternative relationship structures. Some argue that these practices offer freedom, personal fulfillment, and unconventional expressions of love. However, beneath the surface, these arrangements often reveal a stark reality: they thrive at the expense of the women involved.
A man cannot engage in multiple relationships unless the women involved agree to participate.
At their core, both polyamory and polygamy rely on the consent of women to function. A man cannot engage in multiple relationships unless the women involved agree to participate. This raises an important question — why do women allow themselves to be part of such arrangements that, more often than not, place them in a position of emotional, social, and sometimes financial disadvantage?
The Power Dynamics in Polyamory and Polygamy
Polyamory, the practice of having multiple romantic relationships with the consent of all parties, is often presented as an enlightened, progressive approach to love. Polygamy, typically involving one man marrying multiple women, is rooted in more traditional or religious structures. While these two relationship styles may seem different, they share a common denominator: they disproportionately favor men.
Historically and even in modern contexts, polygamous relationships have often placed women in competitive and subservient positions. When one man has multiple wives, these women must share emotional, financial, and intimate aspects of their relationship. Many become rivals, each vying for the husband’s attention, affection, and resources. Even in cases where polygamy is “voluntary,” it is frequently the result of cultural conditioning, financial necessity, or religious pressure rather than true personal choice.
Polyamory, while marketed as more egalitarian, often masks similar imbalances. Many polyamorous relationships involve a single man with multiple female partners, while the reverse — one woman with multiple male partners — is significantly less common and usually frowned upon. Women in these relationships may initially believe they are empowered and free to love as they please, but over time, they often experience feelings of neglect, insecurity, and inadequacy. No matter how much “communication” is emphasized, the fact remains: in most cases, polyamory favors the man far more than the women involved.
Why Women Play Along
If men can only practice polyamory and polygamy with willing partners, why do women participate? There are several reasons:
1. Cultural and Religious Conditioning – In many societies, women are raised to believe that their worth is tied to a man. In religious and traditional settings, polygamy is often normalized, and women are told that sharing a husband is better than having no husband at all.
2. Fear of Loneliness – Many women engage in polyamorous relationships because they fear being alone. Some believe that accepting a piece of a man is better than having none at all, especially if they have already invested emotionally.
3. Manipulation and Gaslighting – Some men convince women that jealousy is an outdated concept or that monogamy is unnatural. They frame polyamory as “spiritual evolution” or “advanced love,” persuading women that their discomfort is due to personal insecurity rather than an actual imbalance.
4. Financial Dependence – In polygamous cultures, many women lack the financial independence to reject such arrangements. A man with multiple wives may provide stability, even if the emotional toll is high.
5. Normalization Through Modern Culture – Polyamory is increasingly promoted in modern media as an evolved form of love. Some women, seeking to be open-minded or rejecting traditional monogamy, find themselves in these relationships before realizing the toll they take.
The Disrespect and Emotional Toll
At its root, polyamory and polygamy disrespect the dignity of the women involved. No matter how “consensual” the arrangement is, these relationships rarely offer women the full commitment, stability, and security they deserve. Instead, they are often left feeling like an option rather than a priority.
Women in such relationships frequently experience:
• Emotional Neglect – They must accept that their partner’s love, time, and energy are divided.
• Jealousy and Insecurity – Many suppress natural emotions to fit into the “ideal” of polyamory, convincing themselves they are evolved for doing so.
• Loss of True Partnership – Instead of having a committed, monogamous partner, they share a man’s attention, which diminishes the depth of their bond.
Men Cannot and Will Not If Women Don’t Play In
The truth is simple: polyamory and polygamy exist because women allow them to. Men cannot practice these relationship structures unless women participate. If more women refused to entertain the idea of sharing a man, these practices would diminish significantly.
The power to end these arrangements rests with women. When women recognize their worth and refuse to be part of relationships that inherently prioritize men’s desires over their own well-being, polyamory and polygamy will lose their appeal.
Monogamy exists for a reason—it fosters deep commitment, trust, and emotional security. Women deserve to be chosen fully, not as one of many. The question is, how many are willing to stand up and demand the respect they deserve?
Health Considerations
Health, particularly the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), is a major concern in polyamorous and polygamous relationships.
Increased Risk of STIs
When multiple partners are involved, the risk of STIs naturally increases. Even if all parties claim to be responsible and practice safe sex, the reality is that more sexual connections mean greater exposure to potential infections. Some key concerns include:
1. Higher Transmission Rates – The more partners a person has, the greater the likelihood of being exposed to an STI. Even if one individual practices safe sex, they are still dependent on the behavior of all their partners and their partners’ partners.
2. Delayed Detection – In a monogamous relationship, if one partner contracts an STI, it’s easier to trace and address the issue. In polyamory or polygamy, tracking the source of an infection is significantly more complicated, leading to potential delays in diagnosis and treatment.
3. False Security in Testing – Many polyamorous groups emphasize regular STI testing, but testing only provides a snapshot of a person’s health at one moment in time. Someone could test negative today and contract an infection before their next test, unknowingly spreading it to others.
4. Bacterial and Viral Infections – Some infections, like gonorrhea and chlamydia, can be treated with antibiotics, but others—such as herpes, HPV, and HIV—are lifelong conditions that can be spread even with precautions. HPV, for example, is extremely common and can lead to cervical cancer in women.
Polygamy and Lack of Autonomy Over Sexual Health
In polygamous relationships, particularly in religious or cultural settings, women often have less control over their sexual health. Some of the risks include:
• Limited Negotiation on Protection – In patriarchal polygamous setups, women may not have the power to insist on condom use or regular STI testing.
• Unequal Exposure – If the husband engages with one wife who contracts an STI, he may unknowingly spread it to the others.
• Lack of Medical Access – In communities where polygamy is practiced, women may not have access to sexual health education, testing, or treatment, increasing the spread of infections.
The Emotional Toll of Sexual Health Risks
Beyond the physical dangers, there’s also an emotional impact. Women in these relationships often experience anxiety over their health, especially if their partner is engaging with multiple people. There is an inherent lack of control when one’s well-being depends on the choices of others, making trust and security fragile.
Health is one of the most overlooked yet critical issues in polyamorous and polygamous relationships. While proponents may argue that responsible behavior can mitigate risks, the reality is that shared partners and multiple connections inherently heighten the dangers. Women, in particular, bear the brunt of these consequences — both physically and emotionally. When considering these relationships, health should be a top concern, but it rarely is. This further reinforces why polyamory and polygamy ultimately disrespect the women involved.
More Considerations
A few more angles to consider that reinforce why polyamory and polygamy are fundamentally unfair and disrespectful to the women involved are:
- Emotional and Psychological Toll
Even when women willingly enter these relationships, many later realize the emotional burden they carry. No matter how much they try to suppress it, jealousy, insecurity, and feelings of being “less than” inevitably surface. Women in these situations often feel they must compete for attention, affection, and validation—something that is neither healthy nor sustainable in the long term.
Additionally, polyamorous and polygamous relationships create an emotional imbalance where women are forced to accept fragmented love rather than full commitment. Love and relationships thrive on depth, but when love is divided among multiple partners, its depth is inevitably compromised.
- Societal Double Standards
Men in polyamorous or polygamous relationships are often celebrated, while women who attempt the same are judged harshly. If a man has multiple partners, he is seen as strong, desirable, or even “enlightened” in polyamorous circles. However, if a woman has multiple male partners, she is often labeled negatively. This hypocrisy further proves that these relationship structures overwhelmingly favor men.
- Long-Term Instability
Few polyamorous or polygamous relationships stand the test of time. While they may seem exciting at first, many women eventually leave due to emotional exhaustion, dissatisfaction, or the realization that they deserve better. In polygamous setups, first wives often express regret, as they start to feel pushed aside when new wives are introduced. In polyamorous circles, many women find themselves emotionally drained from juggling multiple connections, only to see the man move on unscathed.
- The Future of the Children Involved
Another crucial factor is the effect on children.
• Polygamous Families: Children in polygamous households often receive less attention from their father, as his time is divided between multiple wives and their respective children. This can lead to neglect, favoritism, or sibling rivalry.
• Polyamorous Setups: When children grow up witnessing an unstable or ever-changing set of parental figures, it can lead to confusion, insecurity, and difficulty forming healthy relationships in adulthood.
Children need stability, and polyamory and polygamy often struggle to provide that.
- The Illusion of Choice
Many women in polyamorous or polygamous relationships believe they are making a free choice. However, upon deeper reflection, they often realize they were either manipulated into believing this was “progressive” or pressured by cultural and societal norms. True freedom means choosing what serves you best—not what benefits someone else at your expense.
Final Thought
Polyamory and polygamy are not about love, respect, or equality. They are about men receiving more than their fair share while women settle for less. The fact that these relationships cannot exist without women’s participation means that women hold the power to end them. The moment more women recognize their worth and refuse to settle for a piece of a man, these relationship structures will crumble.
Women deserve full commitment, not shared attention. Respect. Dignity. Total Love. Mutuality. The choice is on the side of the women — will they demand more, or continue allowing the men to take more than they should?
Think-Talk 