Dating and Checking Each Other Out

I love to see the youngsters in love; I’m talking about the latter millennials/Gen Zs,.

You know how we know and what they do, right? Prior to Covid-19, they talk/text all day and night on the phone, hang out too often, visit one another endlessly, go to movies, visit mutual friends, hardly stay at home anymore, and sometimes they sleep over.

I’m going to my friend’s and will spend the night.” However, they sometimes withhold critical information from their parents. Such information as where they are spending the night, who the friend is, where s/he lives, how they met, who the parents are, etc. You know, the kind of information that gives loving caring parents a peace of mind and that makes them sleep through the night knowing that their son/daughter is safe! Ask questions and the youngsters are quick to snap back, “Mom/Pops, no big deal; we’re just checking each other out or “you’re asking too many questions.”

What does this mean …?

What did you just say – we’re just checking each other out!” In their language, “checking each other out” is not the same as dating. I will call it pre-dating where the two (boy/girl) do all the activities together (and sometimes play house) for a period of time and decide afterwards whether they want to continue on a longer term or not. Mind you, the decision is not about their compatibility or shared values. Well, maybe it is about compatibility but should they spend so much time to do that?

They both can decide to extend the period of “checking each other out,” but the extension doesn’t necessarily equate permanency.

Questions, Questions, Questions.

Who coined this term? And why do our youngsters think it is cool or beneficial?

How many girls/boys do they have to check out before deciding to “buy?” Sorry, I meant, stay put?

Is this “checking each other out” a fad or has this type of dating come to stay?

When did our sons/daughters become items, like a purse or pair of sneakers or jeans/dress/outfit to be “checked out?” And what happens if the item doesn’t fit? You simply return it no questions asked? Aka Nordstrom?Neiman Marcus?

While “checking each other out” and the girl is already sleeping over at the boy’s place and both are “playing house,” what golden incentives are there for either to be taken seriously about relationship commitments?

why does the man have to pay for something he’s getting free?

An African saying to inspire young ladies and deter them from sex before marriage

Are parents over-indulging their youngsters by allowing sleepovers of the opposite sexes?

It bothers me though that the parents don’t ask their guests questions like “does your parent(s) know you’re here?” “How long will you be staying?” “Can I have a relative’s name/phone number in case of an emergency” forgetting that they become responsible, and can be liable, for the guest in their house should there be an incident!

Once I begin my rhetorics with “When we were growing up,” my daughter would respond “yay yay yay Mom that was then, this is now!” Lol Well, growing up, you do not sleepover at your boyfriend’s place. It was unheard of. When you visit, no matter how late, you have to return home. Actually, we had to be home before 10:00 p.m.

Statistics

“Thirty-five percent of teens (ages 13-17) have some experience with romantic relationships, and 19 percent are currently in a relationship. Older teens (ages 15-17) are more likely than younger teens to have experience with romantic relationships.”

– The Office of Population Affairs (OPA)

Among the young adults .., 60 percent were in some type of romantic relationship in their early 20s, with 16 percent married, 17 percent cohabiting, and 27 percent dating.”

What’s your take on this?

Blogging Community, am I being old fashioned? Since America’s adult age is 18, most parents simply hands off their children’s affairs once they turn 18. But, at 18 and 19, they’re still teenagers who really don’t know what they’re doing and still need guidance.

I acknowledge that parents ought to let off the reins and allow their children to mature, but do parents totally hands-off? How about shifting positions to advisor of sorts?

I was happy to find this article which resonates with my thoughts exactly as to what parents/older adults could be do to guide youngsters in relationships. Please check it out.

Should youngsters be “checking each other out” or should they be steered towards cultivating real relationships if they desire to be in one?
Please feel free to comment and/or educate me.

Thanks for reading.

2 replies

  1. Thanks Engr. V.
    Beautiful. I love your take on the issue. It greatly helps hearing others views on this. I have two, not perfect but great, daughters (grateful for everything concerning them both …). One has graduated college and one still in college. We have an open, honest, trust relationship as well. My post was more about my observations among their peers. My daughters tell me all the time, in a loving respectful way, that times have changed.
    Per culture, I am atypical but think that there should be a “general” framework for morals and ethics.
    Thanks for responding.😊

    Like

  2. I understand why parents are bothered, worried even, over the culture of “checking it out”. It’s far from the customs they grew up in, from the values they were asked to uphold when they were younger but I guess times have really changed and parents should be able to cope too all the while still guiding their children to what really matters and not just what the culture demands. To do this, trust must be really established in the relationship so that there could be honesty and openness from the children as well. As a millennial, I try to indulge as much information I’m comfortable with my parents that I think eases their worries and we’ve established trust both ways too. Hope this helps! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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