Part II: So you think you’re ready for Marriage; how are you in your S-Social Development?

Credits: Unsplash / Duy Pham

It is advisable to have a good and diverse social network.

In the Psychology and medical worlds, healthy social development skills begin at infancy and follows us through adulthood. These skills are necessary and important in order to develop into a healthy child. A lack of, or delayed, development in one skill will impact another and, if not dealt with, could lead to one being an adult with poor or inadequate social skills.

These skills are equally essential to master at the appropriate ages. The Danville Schools gave examples of such skills to include:

  • Displays self-control
  • Expresses feelings with words
  • Listens and pays attention
  • Pride in accomplishments
  • Has a positive self image
  • Asks for help when needed
  • Shows affection to familiar people
  • Aware of other peoples feelings.
We all need good social skills

Adults need complementary social skills, too. Reminds me of the television commercial about phone conversations being distorted as a result of bad network. It was a phone conversation between two friends; one asking the other for recommendations on what to wear to an office dinner. She showed up to a formal office dinner in a halloween costume, dressed like a fairy godmother. That’s how it is sometimes when one has poor social development.

Also, ever heard someone being tagged as clumsy? Or one who chooses to continue talking or asking questions when everyone is ready to move on? There’s nothing wrong with asking questions, but such folks ask questions that have been previously discussed. If they had listened or paid attention (an essential social skill), they wouldn’t be repeating the question. This is because they have not mastered the appropriate social skills required at the specific developmental ages.

Etiquettes

Etiquettes, according to the dictionary, the conventional requirements as to social behavior, is lacking in many. They have being replaced by individualism and/or when corrected, misconstrued as “judging” and/or termed as unsolicited advices.

Anyhow, the social development I am referring to is that of the social networking. Having a myriad of human resources to call upon should the need arises. Yes, we need all the important skills to develop a healthy social network, without which we will be unstable in our relationships and/or left without friends.

This has nothing to do with being an introvert or extrovert; nor the networking required for work, career, or business though some may be interconnected. But more to do with not having the capacity to maintain true friendships.

If you think you’re ready for marriage, your relationships are essential before marriage, during marriage, and sadly ‘after’ marriage. I refer to the “after-marriage” events as a result of death, separation, or divorce.

Men do better in social networks during marriage than women. It is not unusual for women to disperse off their pre-marital relationships once they tie the knots and or start a family. I get it. The topic for girlfriend conversations on ladies nights-out shift for the married ladies for obvious reasons. Sooner than later, the conversations become boring and so does the gathering. But it doesn’t have to, does it? Even if it does, it’s always a good idea to reconnect with one another.

Here are My Tips

  1. Don’t lose all your pre-marital friends. Your pre-marriage friends include childhood, high school, college, and or work friends. Try to keep (or develop) at least one from each category. If you do, you will have at least four friends who know you very well, and can possibly vouch for you hopefully for life. They will be friends whom you can call on anytime.
  2. Granted that some will drift away for different reasons, try to keep at least two (more, if possible) close. Who knows, one of those will probably be your chief bridesmaid (do they still have those now? lol)
There are three types of friends:

1. Friends for a reason
2. Friends for a season, and
3. Friends for a lifetime.
  1. Having both horizontal and vertical friends in your social (network) development is also helpful. The horizontal are your peers in different social groups, while the vertical are your superiors (or older) and juniors. We all learn from each other. Most learn from a superior/older, few learn from their juniors. All are important and each are apt to teach you something new; what you don’t know or thought you do know.
  2. Marriage shouldn’t stop your social development. Continue your social development, and friendships as well, once married. The exception here though will be that you now have to be cognizant of your spouse/hubby. How will he/she feel and/or react to your friends or even to you when you’re meeting with, or having dinner with them? (A probable post for another day.)
  3. Pay attention to “faults” or concerns folks have repeatedly told or accused you of. I’m not saying that the folks were right. You could have been right, but the communication or attitude might have been off. You will be able to pinpoint why you’ve continuously received those accusations.

I pray for your rich and mature social development; to be so grounded and ready for the marriage you desire.

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