It’s often said that there are three (3) things you don’t bring up in a conversation:
- Sex
- Religion, and
- Politics.
Some might add, money as a fourth; or replace one of the above with it. The three tends to vary from person to person.
There are also the three (3) things you don’t ask people:
- How much they make (money, again,)
- Age (especially with ladies), and
- Death.
But, I often ask, “Why and why not?” The things we really should talk about are those things that we’re told not to talk about. Pourquoi? Pourquoi pas?
Por qué? Por qué no?
My Excuse / Caveat
I used these three things as a caveat yesterday shortly after the presidential debate. My daughter called me:
Daughter: “Mom, did you watch the debate? I’m sure you did … what do you think?”
Me: “no, I’m still on the road, but I’m listening on the radio.
Daughter: “What do you think about what the former president said about the migrants eating people’s pets?!
Me: I bursted into laughter. I actually did when #45 said it. Omg , DT will be DT, I marveled.
“Babi, what do you think about that?”
Daughter: That’s ridiculous why would he say that on national tv?
Me: I know you love your pets and I can see why you don’t like what the former president said. But, could he have seen something on the tv or did you think he made it up? If I may add, do you realize that some cultures/people actually do … why don’t we sleep over it and don’t allow it to upset our night, remember the three things we don’t talk about because they’re extra sensitive and personal …?
After we got off the phone, I pondered and thought I got two blogs from that conversation. The first is:
The Three Taboo Topics for Conversation: Why and Why Not
Let’s talk about these three things. Are they really“taboo” or we made them so? Do these three things deserve their bad reputation? Let’s break down why these topics are considered conversation killers, and why, in the right setting, they can actually lead to meaningful exchanges.
1. Religion: The Deep Dive into Beliefs and Why It’s Taboo
Religion is personal as it’s deeply intertwined with a person’s identity, values, and sense of purpose.
Religion is personal. Really personal. People’s beliefs are often tied to their identity, upbringing, and worldview, making it a highly sensitive subject. When someone’s faith is questioned or disagreed with, it can feel like a direct attack on who they are, and nobody likes feeling like they have to defend their beliefs in a casual setting. This can quickly turn a lighthearted dinner party into a tense debate about the meaning of life, or worse, eternal damnation!
When I say “religion is personal,” I don’t mean it should be kept private or hidden away. Evangelism and sharing the faith are central to a Christian’s beliefs, and that’s an essential part of fulfilling the spiritual mission. The personal aspect I’m referring to comes more from how deeply intertwined religion is with a person’s identity, values, and sense of purpose.
“Religion is personal” because:
It Shapes Individual Identity:
For many, religion defines who they are at their core—what they believe about the universe, morality, life after death, and how they should live. These beliefs aren’t just abstract ideas but part of the fabric of their lives. That makes religious discussions feel deeply intimate, as they are not just about facts or opinions but about someone’s fundamental view of the world and their role in it.
It’s an Emotional Investment:
People have strong emotional ties to their faith because it often comes from years of practice, family traditions, or life-changing personal experiences. If someone feels like their beliefs are questioned or invalidated, it can strike a very personal chord. It’s not just a debate about ideas; it’s about something that defines who they are and what they hold dear.
It Differs in Perspectives:
Even within the same religious group, personal interpretations and expressions of faith can vary widely. People might practice their religion in deeply individual ways, whether it’s in the form of private prayer, community service, or how they approach life’s challenges. So, religion feels personal because it influences both their public actions and their private thoughts.
So, Why Not Talk About Religion?
Talking about religion can be deeply enriching for both parties when done in a spirit of openness and respect. It’s a way to share the most important truth you hold. By acknowledging that religion is deeply personal, you’re not backing away from evangelizing; instead, you’re finding a more compassionate and effective way to do it.
It’s all about the how—when religious discussions are approached with respect for the personal nature of faith, they can lead to profound and transformative conversations.
Why it doesn’t have to be a Taboo:
While religion can be a touchy subject, it’s also one of the most fascinating! Approached with curiosity rather than judgment, discussing different beliefs can open up a world of understanding. People love sharing stories about their faith journey, and learning about other cultures and traditions can broaden your horizons. If handled with respect and genuine interest, conversations about religion can foster deeper connections and greater empathy.
It’s always best to lead with questions, not assumptions. Instead of saying, “How can you believe that?” try, “I’d love to understand more about your faith. What’s something that’s meaningful to you?”
2. Politics: The Battle of Ideals and Why It’s Taboo
Nothing divides a room faster than the mention of politics. People’s political views are often shaped by their values, life experiences, and what they think is best for society. It’s not just a topic about policy; it’s about how people see justice, fairness, and the future. Disagreements over political views can quickly escalate into arguments because they often touch on issues of morality and personal rights. In today’s polarized world, political discussions can sometimes feel like trying to disarm a bomb with a toothpick.
Why it doesn’t have to be:
Believe it or not, politics can actually make for stimulating conversation—if both parties are willing to listen. When done right, political discussions can be a great way to challenge ideas, learn something new, and even find common ground. It’s about sharing perspectives, not converting someone to your side. The key is keeping it civil and remembering that disagreement doesn’t mean disrespect.
It’s best to keep the conversation focused on policies and ideas rather than personal attacks. You might say, “I’m curious about why you feel that way about this issue” instead of “That’s ridiculous!”
3. Money: Show Me the Receipts: Why It’s Taboo:
Talking about money makes people uncomfortable for several reasons. It’s a window into someone’s life that reveals more than just their salary—it can expose insecurities, social status, and even life choices. Some people view discussing finances as crass or inappropriate, while others feel embarrassed about how much or how little they make. Plus, money talk can quickly lead to comparisons, which never ends well.
Why it doesn’t have to be:
Money is something we all deal with, so why not talk about it? Discussing finances openly can help break down stigmas, especially around topics like debt, budgeting, and investing. It’s one of the few subjects where people can actually learn something valuable, like how to save smarter or plan for retirement. In fact, more open conversations about money might just help us all make better financial decisions!
It’s best to keep the money conversation balanced and mindful. Instead of asking someone directly about their salary, you could open up by sharing something you’ve learned, like, “I just started using a new budgeting app—do you have any financial tips?”
Breaking the Taboo: When and How to Dive In
So, should these topics always be off-limits? Not necessarily! The trick to discussing religion, politics, or money without awkwardness or arguments is “knowing your audience” and “choosing the right time”. In casual, mixed company where you don’t know people’s sensitivities, it’s best to steer clear of these hot-button topics. But in smaller, more intimate settings where everyone is comfortable, these conversations can be eye-opening and even fun.
It’s all about the approach — ask thoughtful questions, avoid assumptions, and respect differing views. If everyone is on the same page, talking about “taboo” subjects can lead to some of the most meaningful and memorable conversations.
So, what do you think? Ready to break a taboo or two at your next gathering? Just be sure to keep it civil, thoughtful, and—most importantly—fun!
Think-Talk 