I stated in my earlier post, Pyramid of Friendship, that the issue of friends/friendships has been togging at my heart. I’ve had to deal with some folks lately on the issue too. Some things that we assume are no-brainers surprisingly have been loosely handled and often misinterpreted. Friends and friendships fall into one of these things.
. . .
If you have no expectations of someone, you’ll not be disappointed by their actions or inactions. Similarly, defining a relationship as a friendly one, puts some expectations on that friendship. The level of expectation often corresponds to the level of friendship and intimacy. As such, it behooves us to act right and hold each other accountable in the relationship.
I came up with five things that real friends are and are not in a simplified, but dignified, manner.
5 things real friends are not:
Perfect. Just as no-one is perfect, do not expect your friend/s to be. Be gentle but respectful of one another. However, if one is known for hurting the other with their words or actions, then boundaries have to be set and the friendship categorized.
Snitches. No friend snitches on his/her friend. Snitching, in my opinion, stems from jealousy and envy. And a jealous and envious friend is a catastrophe waiting to happen!
Competitive with oneanother
. You compete with yourself to be better; not with your friend. There’s no healthy competition in friendship.
Envious or jealous. See #2 above.
Judging. Friends accept you for who you are. Judging stems from the need to want to have people be like one. This is tantamount to control. Having everyone look, do, talk, or act like me can make the world boring.
Let’s embrace the diversity and uniqueness in each other.
- Are true to one another. There’s transparency and no holes barred in the relationship.
- Tell you the truth that you need to hear or that others are scared to tell you.
- Watch your back. This is self-explanatory. Ask yourself, “if my friend was absent, will my response in absentia collaborate with his or hers?” If your answer is “No,” it means you both don’t know each other well enough to be friends. You’re still in the stranger-ally level.
- Always know your stand. Similar to #3 above.
- Allow you to be yourself in their presence without judging you!
What are your thoughts on this and the 5 things that real friends are and are not? Feel free to share and like the post.