Love me

Caption by Think-Talk

Love me

Not for my looks

‘Cause those will soon fade away;

Not for my smarts

For those were given to me

And could be taken away;

Not for my money

‘Cause you might detest me when it’s gone.

Love me

Just for me.

If for my looks you came

Know that you’ll disappear

When the bulges come

Or the grays sip in.

If for my smarts

When God forbid dementia visits

I know you’ll become the guest and the owner not.

If for my moolah

Know that it is not just for you

For a million mouths

I have chosen to feed.

If you’ll stay

Stay then you must

Not for my looks

Or smarts

Or moolah

But for me

So love me

Just for who I am.

Who I am is within

It’s not found in the looks

Or smarts

Or moolah

It is found in my heart

Which is yet to be seen and explored

By you.

Love me

Just for me! ❤️

Your Leader-ship Matters

You are a leader to someone at some place.

An organization and its staff often reflect its leader. That organization could be your home/family, school, religious place, or extra-curricular activity. You will observe that whatever values the one at the helm holds dear to him/her will be the values that trickle down through its leadership, to the staff or team members. In a business setting, the values will ultimately flow from top to the bottom of the organizational echelon until an expert is invited to train or advise the leaders of (an often necessary) change. In essence, there’s a positive correlation between the leader, leadership, and organizational culture. 

To clarify so that we’re all on the same page, the leader of an organization is its CEO or President of that organization. S/he is the one at the helm of the organization. The leadership of the organization, on the other hand, consists of all the leaders; that is, the CEO, COO, CIO, CTO, CAO, etc. We also know them as “Management.”

The leader’s style is his/her Charisma or lack thereof, The way he or she talks and connects emotionally with his/her staff; superiors, peers, and subordinates.

The leadership style is the Culture that is visible in the organization’s mission, goals, and vision. Read what Matt Fagaly has to say on this [https://ideas.bkconnection.com/the-5-types-of-leadership-styles-that-can-define-your-organizations-culture].

It is always a great feeling to enjoy one’s work/job. Why not? Because one spends a third (or longer) of one’s day at work. 

Also, when one aligns with its organization’s culture or values, one is happier and more productive. The reverse is the case when there’s a misalignment. The sooner one realizes that one is a misfit, the earlier the better for that person to start looking for new office home. Likewise, business owners employing folks who do not align with the leader (or organization’s) values and are only about the salary, will often spell DOOM.

Most of us stay too long on a job and are miserable with the resultant effect on productivity and health/wellness. Sadly, some of us don’t know (nor have learned) how not to carry these negative effects home to our loved ones.

So, knowing what values are important to you should guide you in the company you work for or the people you hire. Don’t let the high salary or charisma entice you and end up being miserable. Yay Yay Yay we live in a world that no longer holds dear (social, moral, ethical) values any longer. But for those of us who still do; I’m not judging anyone (this is a statement and an excuse that is now prevalently being used that indirectly means to “mind one’s own business”), values are important and we should align work and company to them accordingly.

If you’re looking for a job, want to change your current job, or need to hire someone, write down your top three or five qualities/values and set out for the company or person that shares those qualities/values. No compromise and no settling out of desperation till you find that company or person.

. . .

Interested in knowing your leadership style, here are a few links to help:

https://williamctaylor.com/quiz/; https://eml.usc.edu/leadership-style-quiz; https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/styles-of-leadership

An apropos for the remainder of the year

Today is Day 190 of the calendar and we’ve just begun the second half of 2020.

With COVID-19 and its effect on everyone and the economy, the ongoing unrest, including the upcoming elections, we, as well as our nation, are nearing a seemingly turning point.

I believe in miracles and we need the hand of God to steer us all and orchestrate a divine intervention.

This prayer is therefore apropos for us all for the rest of the year.

I pray that it resonates with you. Stay blessed.

BBC – Science & Nature – Human Body and Mind – Spot The Fake Smile

Spot The Fake Smile Survey
— Read on www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/

. . .

Can you spot a fake smile from a genuine one? According to U.K.’s BBC, “Most people are surprisingly bad at spotting fake smiles. One possible explanation for this is that it may be easier for people to get along if they don’t always know what others are really feeling.

Would you rather just get along with people or would you rather seek genuine friendships/relationships? For some, the answer might be “it depends.” I’d rather have the genuine.

. . .

I took this survey in one of my classes in college and scored 18 out of 20. Not bad, right?! But I wish I got it all! That two fake smiles could unknowingly cause a disaster or two if allowed to slip. Please don’t mind me – just revealing my competitive side 😀

I just found my result of the survey and wanted to share for a mid-week challenge.

. . .

We’re all in a haste to get things done that these days, no one stops to breathe or rest any more. (One reason that COVID-19 was a welcome breather of sorts!) We run about like the fable Chicken Little such that we miss the little things that matter. A fake smile and/or body language are two of such things.

. . .

Now, let’s see how you fair. Can you really spot a fake smile? Take the survey by clicking on the url above. p.s. you might need a Flash player.

Don’t forget to share your results in the comments below.

Happy hump day!

Housewife – Part Two: To be or not to be

This is a second part of the blog series Housewife. In my previous blog, [Housewife: A Case for the Title], I made a case for the housewife and included the benefits and disadvantages of being one. As stated in that blog, being a housewife is a choice just like any other career. But the career of a housewife falls under the nonprofit sector; whereas most careers are for-profit. The main difference being that the nonprofit careers come with salaries and some perks and benefits that are short compared to the private sector’s. However, being a housewife has neither salary nor perks.

Read along as I make another case for ladies/women who desire to be housewives advising them to critically scrutinize some side-issues before making the decision. Did I hear you mutter ”what’s she talking about now; she’s contradicting herself?!” No, I’m not. I just want to offer a deeper and often overlooked challenge of being a housewife. So, let’s talk about the other side of being a housewife.

. . .

A familiar scenario

John and Jane were happily married and looked like every inch of an ideal power couple which they were. John had a great job as an engineer in one of the top engineering companies in the City. They went on various vacations and short trips and all seemed well. They live in a nice home on the outskirts of Chicago. They have nice cars too; John drives a BMW 5i and Jane an Acura SUV. Within five years, they have had two kids. After the birth of the second child, it was harder for Jane to return to her job as a banker. They both decided that Jane stay home to care for their children. Jane agreed and began her career as a housewife. Within a few years of that decision, the impact of Jane’s salary was obvious and felt very hard. Jane couldn’t have new clothes, shoes, visit the salon, nail shop, or the massage/spa; all of which were regulars when she worked. Now with two kids, all funds and attention were focused on the children’s planning and saving for college. Meanwhile, John could purchase a shirt/pant or two occasionally to maintain his professional look. The vacations were relegated to the neighboring parks and their parents. It didn’t take long for Jane to start resenting the decision to be a housewife. 

Get it in writing

The mistake she, and other women, make is that they ignored the blindsides. They also agreed to the career choice of a housewife without a written contract or agreement. A mutual oral agreement is great as long as everyone is good, happy with one another, and/or life, and everything is going great. An oral agreement can however be denied, misunderstood, and orally revoked by either or both parties. What then is her recourse? 

In the above instance, Jane’s banker career was temporarily terminated. Should she return to the banking industry, her skills could be deemed obsolete and she would in essence have to start afresh depending on how long she was absent from the industry or she may have to switch careers.

Falling out of love?

Another often overlooked issue, but extremely important, of being a housewife is that of falling out of love, which is sometimes inevitable else there would be no divorce rates at all. Falling out of love often leads to divorce. I don’t pray that anyone’s marriage end in divorce but the cold truth is that every marriage has a 50% probability of ending that way irrespective of the length of the marriage. We hear and see this all the time and everywhere; particularly in Hollywood!

. . .

I digress to congratulate couples whose marriages have stood the test of time and are still flaming the love fire several years after tying the knot. Kudos to you. We acknowledge that you had to put some work into sustaining your marriage. This will be a blog for another day.

. . .

Consider a financial footing

In our instance, should the marriage lead to a divorce, Jane will have no financial footing to pursue her side of the legality as she has no she-money. Yes, she might borrow from her parents and/or friends except, of course, she lives in a community property state that could award her half of the joint property and assets in a court judgment. The community award however will be after the divorce process. But she might be cash-strapped during the whole process.

A few bad men however have also been known to hide money and properties in a divorce. Without her own money, the woman has no way of investigating the act(s) should she unfortunately be in such a situation.

. . .

My advice to women is to ensure that the decision to be a housewife is

  1. Mutually agreed
  2. Communicated; not orally but written
  3. If possible with terms and conditions; for example, the woman takes a me-time/day for herself to rest and rejuvenate. On such times/days, the man/husband takes over the duties/chores and not leave them till the woman returns; and most importantly,
  4. That the woman has her funds either by working from home for a few hours or some funds be allocated to her from the joint account.

The fourth point above is from a realistic and practical point of view rather than from a women’s liberation standpoint. Every woman needs her-own money for simply feminine things; for example, buying sanitary items, attending events like birthday parties, or fixing her hair, and pampering herself. Kate Bahn, an economist, agrees as she found out when she took a year off, not for housekeeping, but to complete her dissertation quicker. Read her story here:  https://www.theguardian.com/money/2014/aug/19/women-finance-housewife-control-money

Ladies, next time the decision “to be or not to be a housewife” comes up, Think-Talk is expecting that you will thoroughly consider every aspect of the non-profit career before saying Yes. It’s called loving smart 🙂

Steer clear of work-at-home scams | FTC Consumer Information

As the Coronavirus continues to spread, you may be looking for ways to make money without ever stepping foot outside your door.
— Read on www.consumer.ftc.gov/blog/2020/07/steer-clear-work-home-scams

. . .

Everyone ought to subscribe to the Consumer FTC email/blog. The department notifies one on trending consumer issues such as this one and others, including retail stores or companies whose privacy issues have been violated and what one should do about it. Varied topics, such as health & fitness, money & credit, jobs, privacy, & online security are blogged. I have gotten beneficial information over the years from the site and know that you will too.

To subscribe, go to consumer.ftc.gov/blog, scroll down and click the [Get email updates] button.

Please share your thoughts below on the content of the site. Thank you.

The Two Voices Every Leader Chases – Dr. Stephen R. Graves

The Two Voices Every Leader Chases – Dr. Stephen R. Graves
— Read on stephenrgraves.com/articles/read/the-two-voices-every-leader-chases/

Sharing another of Dr. Graves’ articles. Every leader must be able to discern these two voices; Voice of Inspiration and Voice of Instruction, amidst the daily and/or occasional confusion. Every leader must also know that God is not always in the midst of noise or everything that “seems good.”

Find your own circle (or team) of Inspiration and Instruction. In finding it, every leader must also know not to force or outstay it if it does not feel right.

Here’s to the best you (leader)! Enjoy the article and check him out as well at stephenrgraves.com.

More Is Caught Than Taught – Dr. Stephen R. Graves

More Is Caught Than Taught – Dr. Stephen R. Graves
— Read on stephenrgraves.com/articles/read/more-is-caught-than-taught/

Leadership. Leaders. Leaders and Leadership. We are all leaders in our own ways though many don’t ascribe to the title and some think that it’s humility to be titled a follower. We need both leaders and followers. As a matter of fact, every leader must be a follower or learn to follow at times; it’s a form of life balance.

The truth is that we are all one form of a leader in many ways.

I love leaders and leadership. I know that I haven’t blogged on it yet. Well, I’m sharing the first article/blog. I signed up for a webinar featuring Stephen R. Graves. It’s my first time hearing of him (I realize that there are a whole lot more great folks out there that I’m still yet to meet!) and decided to check him out before the day. This article/blog straight away caught my attention as it’s one of my favorite phrases.

The probability of leaders having like followers is higher than having dissimilar followers. Needless to say, leaders have to lead well.

Some things are taught, but many are caught. This phrase is particularly true with families. Without being specifically told, we find ourselves doing the same things we watch our parents do. We inherit their habits, styles, mannerisms, likes and dislikes, etc. My father loved to travel. When he does, we jest on how he packs like a woman because he overpacks. I realize now that I do the same; granted that I am the lady. And my daughters jest me on overpacking 😜. I justify my packing lol by responding that I do not want to buy things out there that I have at home and could have brought with me.

Guess what?! I now notice my daughters doing exactly the same! They caught my habit!

In the Bible, Elisha caught Elijah’s anointing and received a double-portion.

In essence, we ought to be mindful of all that we do because we never know who is watching!

What do you think? Leave your comments below. I hope you also learned something from Dr. Graves’ article.

Peace.

Mental Health: Women and Home Management

www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-the-mental-load

The awareness of mental health issues keep growing. Now we recognize a lot of health issues (that lead to diseases) that previously had been ignored.

I came across this article via a Twitter feed. Informative and worth reading.

Women have been pitched into “holding the home forth.” Little do the men/husband/significant others realize that the home forth involves a lot – being the CEO, CIO, CSO (Chief Strategic Officer), CAO (Chief Administrative Officer), CFO, CIO (Chief Internal Officer), CPRO (Chief Public Relations Officer), and Chief chauffeur. Ladies, let me know if I omitted any title. At the end of the day, the woman is exhausted and has no gas left for other important tasks. Yes, women can delegate the chores if they can afford it. But for those who can’t, this article will help on how to manage yourself and your home. Enjoy and share your thoughts by commenting below.

Peace.

Happy Father’s Day

Girl Daddy

Click here https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2019/06/father-day-celebrates-today-190616060505310.html for the history of Father’s Day

. . .

To all fathers worldwide
But particularly to fathers
in the countries celebrating Father’s Day today;

Thank you for the patriarchal leading
and gathering of all your children under your arms
That are so broad and strong
Yet so caring and stern

Thank you for your guidance
And protection;

For waking up early everyday
To bring home the bacon
So that your children and family
Will be sufficiently provided for
And not go without the necessities of life;
Thank you for the little extras you add
That makes you the special provider;

Thank you for all that you do
Which sometimes goes unappreciated
Yet you never stop giving and doing;

We pause today
To celebrate all that you represent
To let you know
How much we care, love, and appreciate you
We want to pause for you everyday
But wish that you weren’t so busy
We want to pause for you to rest
And wish that you will take of us the best

We want to pause for you today

For icecream and cake

Or golf

Or a walk with you in the garden

We want to pause for you
And shout it out loud
That you are the very best.

Happy Father’s Day
June 21, 2020

You simply are the BEST!

. . .

Happy Father’s Day
to the Father of all fathers
Whose attributes are a trillion times more than all the above
Who sits majestically on His Throne
Watching over his sons below
Guiding and directing their paths
So they can be all that He’s created them to be

We love you Our Father
Who art in heaven
We hallow your name
Today as always
And anticipate always
That Your Kingdom
Come now.
Thank you for truly being
The Omnipotent, Omniscient, and Omnipresent.
We love You Father

The Father of all fathers


Today and always;

Happy Father’s Day
June 21, 2020

Lion of The Tribe of Judah

Jesus Ministry Part 2

Jesus is both God and man.

In the previous blog, Jesus Ministry, I shared Jesus’ primary ministry which attests to his divine. This blog continues with sharing Jesus Ministry; albeit his relatable humanism.

. . .

Throughout the Bible, we’re informed that Jesus’s divinity was questioned by his own tribe. However for those of us who believe, we believe that Jesus was both God and man. How can He be both Deity and man? No way! But, oh yes, way.

As human beings, we acknowledge that we are a spirit with a soul living in a shell called our body, right? Also known as tripartite (three-part) being. This is the sane pattern with King Jesus.

Anyways, today’s blog is not about a theological lecture. 🙂 I’m continuing to lay and draw some foundational parallels to Jesus’s humanity and us. Here goes:

  • Jesus was rejected, despised, and a man of sorrow (Luke 9:22, 17:25, Mark 8:31, 1 Samuel 8:7, Isaiah 53:3)
  • Jesus was tempted (Mark‬ ‭1:13‬, Luke 20:23, John 8:6, Hebrews 2:18)
  • Jesus was persecuted (John 5:16) • He was oppressed and afflicted (Isaiah 53:7)
  • Jesus suffered (Luke 17:25, Acts 17:3, 2 Cor 1:5, 2Timothy 3:12)
  • Jesus was betrayed (Mark 3:19, John 18:5, Matthew 26:25)
  • Jesus was lied upon (Luke 6:16,
  • Jesus cried (Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:37, Luke 23:46, John 12:44,...)

The essence of blogging this is threefold:

1. to remind Christians, yet again, that “the servant is not greater than his Lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; (John‬ ‭15:20‬) “and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.” (2 Timothy‬ ‭3:12‬)

2. to inform non-Christians of the reason(s) why Christians seem to be going through sometimes much more than others, and finally,

3. that our light affliction is temporary (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).

As it is written, “if we suffer with him, we shall also reign with him (2 Timothy 2:12).

“Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.”
‭‭(Matthew‬ ‭5:11‬)‬‬

What are your thoughts as a Christian or non-Christian. Please share below.

Thanks for reading.

Real Talk with Kirk Franklin

www.youtube.com/playlist

I didn’t want to blog today, but couldn’t resist sharing this because it’s church-day Sunday. And though not all houses of worship are opened, we can still do church in our homes. The video just popped up on my phone.

. . .

Change and issues begin with dialogue/conversation. What does one do when the folks who one looks up to drops the ball? Church, the Law, the System … everyone. We cannot over-emphasize the need for change. The atmospheric conditions of America must change fast!

“Hear my heart, not my words” is a favorite phrase of mine. Watch the video to hear Kirk’s heart and let’s hear your heart by commenting below, too.

Peace!

p.s. enjoying my day 😎

Happy Happy Birthday to me

birthday cake with candles
Source: Waldemar Brandt, Unsplash

Grateful for the day. God has again nevertheless been awesome. I look forward to another year of thanksgiving and all that He’s doing with, through, and for me. Will you celebrate the day with me?

Credit to Mr. Kleeg on YouTube
Credit to almeedus on YouTube

Cakes and ice cream or crab boils or sipping Earl Grey hot tea with cream and sugar with my favorite tea biscuits and shortbreads? I’m having it all without feeling guilty just because it’s my birthday.

It’s my birthday weekend. Thankful. Thankful. Thankful.

Celebrate yourself always even when no-one is celebrating you. It a way of encouraging one’s self.

. . .

My Dad died in June, five years ago. My brother’s birthday is two days before mine in June; he died six weeks after our Dad. Since the two demises, the month of June has become a month of mixed emotions. However, this weekend I resolved not to allow my joy to be stolen, but to remain full this month and always. I love them both and I believe that they are at peace. The least I can do is to live to celebrate them not only in June, but always.

Harvard psychologist: The most emotionally intelligent people have these 12 traits

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, understand, and manage one’s emotions relative to others.

Harvard psychologist: The most emotionally intelligent people have these 12 traits
— Read on www.google.com/amp/s/www.cnbc.com/amp/2020/06/09/harvard-psychology-researcher-biggest-traits-of-emotional-intelligence-do-you-have-them.html

Expert, author, and Harvard psychologist, Daniel Goleman, gives five key elements and twelve traits worth having for the most emotional intelligent people. Which of these traits do you possess?

Happy reading and questing.

Help Your Family by Organizing Your Finances | ICMA-RC

| Want to give your spouse and other heirs a gift they will truly appreciate? Get your financial affairs in order.
— Read on www.icmarc.org/

I received this today and thought that it is invaluable information worth sharing. Please read and take necessary action.

ICMA-RC [https://www.icmarc.org/about-us/history.html] is the public sector equivalent of 401K.

Don’t leave your estate’s financial planning undone or till the last minute. It removes uncertainty and the additional stress of having to figure things out for our loved ones.

. . .

Most of us feel uncomfortable talking about wills, estate, and/or death. If we recognize that death is inevitable, why wouldn’t we want to plan ahead for it?

Please share your thoughts on this below. Thanks

April Fool in June

We all are having a bad dream and will wake up to realize that it was just an April Fool!

Alabama in Dar es Salem?! I remember those words vividly as if it were only yesterday. Those words, came off a book read in elementary school, and have stuck since. I don’t remember the title of the book nor its author anymore!

Dar es Salem is the former capital city of Tanzania [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dar_es_Salaam] in East Africa.

The statement expressed the shocking dismay of an American visitor to the Country of Tanzania. At the time, apartheid was ongoing in South Africa for which we all remember that Nelson Mandela fought and went to prison.

More videos and pictures here [https://www.nytimes.com/video/us/100000007177799/washington-dc-protests-white-house.html?playlistId=video/minneapolis-george-floyd-death-video

One can parallel that statement by asking, “apartheid in America?!” God forbid. I’m hoping it is not true, that we will all wake up and it would have been a horrific dream. 

But no, unfortunately, this is real. It is pretty disturbing and similar to China’s 1989 Tiananmen Square protests. It is also what prevails in dictatorship countries. It should not be happening in the 21st century, in the U.S.A., the super-power, the Big brother to several nations, when-America-sneezes-every-country-catches-cold America.

Pinch me and say It’s April Fool!

A Model, A Possible Template for Peace Negotiations Around the World

An article apropos for U.S.A..
May the peace of God that surpasses human understanding (Philippians 4:7) rest on U.S.A. and the global community.

Craiglock's Weblog

sarainbow (fromflick.com)
South African rainbow (from http://www.flick.com)

Article Title: A Model, A Possible Template for Peace Negotiations Around the World
Author Name: Craig Lock
Category (key words): “Inspiration”, peace, pursuit of peace, possibilities for peace, negotiation, peace negotiations, peace strategy, South Africa, inspirational writings.
Web Sites: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=la_B005GGMAW4_sr?rh=i%3Abooks&field-author=Craig+Lock
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B005GGMAW4 http://www.creativekiwis.com/amazon.html and and http://goo.gl/vTpjk
The submitter’s blogs (with extracts from his various writings: articles, books and new manuscripts) are at http://peacepursuit.wordpress.com/

http://breakdownwalls.wordpress.com/

http://www.breakdownbarriers.wordpress.com

http://drmartinlutherking.wordpress.com/

http://www.buildbridgesofunity.wordpress.com

http://www.buildbridgesofunderstanding.wordpress.com

http://www.religiousunity.wordpress.com

and his various other blogs are at http://craigsblogs.wordpress.com. Obsessive or WHAT!

“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”

~ Franz Kafka

Other Articles are available at: http://www.ideamarketers.com/library/profile.cfm?writerid=981+ http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles.html
(Personal growth, self help, writing, internet marketing, spiritual, ‘spiritual writings’ (how ‘airey-fairey’), words of inspiration and money management, how boring now, craig)
Publishing Guidelines:

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Why do we write articles, books, or blogs?

Is it because there is a shortage of information or knowledge-sharing?

Certainly not!

Or is it because we want to make money? Maybe. But still making money does not suffice. I read former President Obama’s books wherein he stated that the proceeds from his book paid off his student loans. How I wish I could write a book that could give me a similar outcome! 😊

I love to read and write about a variety of topics, for example, leadership and the various styles of leadership. Yet I know that despite all that I have read (and written about in college), there are numerous leadership styles still untouched. Notwithstanding, I still marvel at the thought of anyone trying to surpass John C. Maxwell on leadership topics.

. . .

One generation comes and goes, and another follows. The cycle is repeated and forever will still be repeated till eternity. We tend to recycle information and knowledge albeit calling it by another name; a name that the targeted generation can relate to.  This is especially true in the fashion industry. 

So, “why do we continuously write books, articles, or blogs?” I will say that it is to share knowledge and leave a legacy. For others, it might be to make money / earn a living. Why must I write another book or article, for example, on leadership, or e-commerce, or student loan? Are there not enough of those topics already saturating the market or gathering dust on bookshelves? Is anyone still buying the books, or reading them, or even when bought, opening them anymore? As I ask these questions, I instantaneously provide the answers too. And here it is that:

The insatiability of mankind’s unquenchable thirst keeps him searching for the “next new thing” on planet earth. There seems to be a void yearning to be filled in man that drives him/her away from the old to any information or knowledge packaged in a new form of a book or an article or blog. But no sooner are the pages flipped that the books, articles, or blogs become dated.

We will keep writing because everyone is looking for something new. The market for authors is so dynamic that there will never be a shortage of topics to pen nor knowledge to share.

Whether it is a book, article, or blog, to share one’s passion, expertise, or life experiences, the reasons we still do it are as unique as the author or blogger.  The act is not disappearing soon either.

Understanding the Grief and Loss Cycle

This is so true and helpful for everyone irrespective of whether or not one has lost a loved one. Since death is inevitable, knowing beforehand the different phases of grief, and when it does happen to be prepared, can help one navigate those moments.

I went through the five cycles by Dr. Perry when I lost two loved ones within six weeks. I was particularly angry because I had wrestled with God to heal them both (a blog topic for another day) and felt confident that they would be healed. I called one of them to inform that I would be visiting. Unfortunately, I did not make it to see either of them. It is my opinion that a few family members are still grieving the loss.
Just as I finally accepted the loss, almost four years after, we lost another loved one. These losses have had their toll on the family, that makes Kristina McMorris’ quote equally true. But, in the memory of the departed loved ones, we will not allow the world to prevail but for the departed to keep smiling and hailing us on.

Dr. Eric Perry

Written by Dr. Eric Perry
Image Credit: Pixabay


“The whole world can become the enemy when you lose what you love.” ~Kristina McMorris

The cycle of life is both beautiful and heartbreaking. From the moment of our birth, we share a common destiny with the rest of the world. The mortality that connects us makes life that much more remarkable. Knowing that death awaits us and our loved ones may be a haunting and difficult thought to bear. Truly, one of the most difficult and painful moments of a person’s life will be the death of a loved one. At these moments, grief is a normal and healthy response to loss. For some, the death of a loved one will result in overwhelming and devastating emotions that cannot be fully processed alone.

The loss may affect the ability to function in everyday life and maylead to depression, anxiety, and other…

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Following/Unfollowing on Social Media

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I love and follow The Art of Christian Living’s blog. I read her post today, Blogging: The Purpose in the Process #https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/95055817/posts/2710234963 and was saddened by the content of her third and fourth paragraphs. This prompted me to respond and in turn blog about the act of unfollowing on social media.

The Art of Christian Living, as I commented, please continue with your style. I love it and love your authenticity.

. . .

The essence of any community is to support one another. In supporting one another, it is okay to agree to disagree respectfully. In any community, and especially the blogging community, we recognize that there will be differences in style, niche, tonality, etc. And to that degree, it takes maturity and wisdom to stick to one another even though our differences are apparent.

Is it right for anyone to un-follow another? Who am I to force anyone to follow me; not even my family members will I insist to do so, let alone an internet friend. Don’t misunderstand me – internet friends are essential and we all need some for social media purposes as the lack thereof sends a contrary message. But, most of us don’t know them personally.

. . .

I googled [https://bit.ly/2AGyrrD] “why do people unfollow on social media” and got “About 118,000,000 results (0.50 seconds).” This is serious and shows that it is an act that is frequently committed by all. The truth is that I had, once ever, un-followed some folks in the past and I do not regret doing it. The sad thing was that it was while being involved in a “Christian” organization. I later realized that though the organization was Christian-based, not everyone involved was Christian; as such, there were things said and done that I felt were contrary to my Christian doctrines. Rather than the leaders asking what was going on, they resorted to “preach” about it. I felt this was hypocritical and I left the organization. I also deleted my FB profile because it was our meeting ground. I also recognized that most followed me not because they “liked/loved” me, but to “monitor” me. Sadly, this is not uncommon with, and unbecoming of, Christians or Christian organization. It’s the little foxes that spoil the vine.

Why un-follow?

Following personalities and brands on social media signifies various things to various people. It is often because the other party likes/loves the person, brand or content published. It could also be because the person is a family member, alums or frats or sororities, or simply a fan. Most do not even know the person they are following. The advent of technology/social media has made everyone a friend so near. Whatever the reason one chooses to follow another, there is equally a reason to un-follow. It’s all good when we follow. But let’s talk about unfollowing.

The first Google result states that “41.50% of Social Media Users Unfollow a Brand That Posts Too Much.” This contradicts the blogging principle that states the more you blog, the more people know you and that blogging a lot helps drive traffic to your site! Another reason was that people unfollow when one doesn’t blog enough. Hello somebody?! What then is considered enough or reasonable blogging?

Some unfollow as a form of rejection. I disagree with this thought. How can someone I don’t even know reject me? I won’t take it personally. Even if I do know the person, it is a free world that makes people change whenever they feel like it. Unfollowing me does not a hair removed from my head. And I hope that the folks whom I unfollowed feel likewise. I might see the person the next day and still be cordial. I said all that to say don’t take it personally if someone unfollows you. It has become part of the social media un-etiquette.

Other reasons, according to Sprout Social, include as listed in the chart below:

New Study Looks at What Makes People Unfollow Brands on Social | Social Media Today
https://sproutsocial.com/insights/data/q3-2016/

I do not see that The Art of Christian Living has violated any of the reasons above. Be that as it may, people are entitled to follow or un-follow. Notwithstanding, those who like your content will continue to follow you.

Stay graceful.

Dear younger me

If I knew then what I know now, I would have done many things differently. Yet, no regrets. The paths were meant for me to take as I now realized the the invisible Sovereign hands were guarding, guiding, and steering me all along.

10 things you need to learn sooner in life

1. Cultivate a relationship with God

I believed that there is a God. As a kid, I talked to an invisible being but did not know who I was talking to until I became a Christian in my later adult life. How I wish I knew Him sooner. Learning early in life the order of honor (God first, family second, all others next) would help put everything else in the right perspective. Find Him sooner.

2. Listen more to your parents and spend quality time with them

Honoring one’s parents is the first commandment with a promise. Though I disagreed occasionally with my parents, I never disrespected them. I loved them dearly. As a parent, I recognize that parents are not always right. The truth is that parents are also learning-on-the-job as they raise their children. But most parents desire the best for their children, young or adult, and might sometimes not know how to communicate those desires in a manner that the children might understand.

I never lived with my mother and missed the mother-daughter bonding and connection. Though I had a strong father-daughter relationship, I acknowledge that the roles of fathers and mothers are so uniquely different yet interconnected and one cannot be substituted for the other.

Spend quality time with your parents now and, when you leave home, visit them frequently.

3. Listen more to your instincts (intuition, gut feeling, etc.)

Whatever you call it, know that it is a gift that will work the more you use it. Pay attention to it, accept it, follow it, and don’t second-guess yourself or your gift.

The first step toward change is awareness. The second is acceptance.”

Nathaniel Branden

4. Speak the truth more in love rather than abrasively

No one wants to hear your truth until they understand you care for them. You might be right, but might shut-off people with loud or harsh words. The truth spoken in love, coupled with soft responses, are a true disarming pair.

5. Always let your parents/family know who your friends are

My grandmother always advised that there were different categories of friendships: acquaintances (slight, but not close friends), colleagues (work but not necessarily close friends), activity friends (e.g. sports, party, etc.), and buddies (close friends). Know who your friends are. Never lump them all in one bucket and never be friends with anyone you will not be proud to take home or introduce to your parents. Note that not all friends will pick up your call or be enthused to open their doors to you when you knock at 3:00 a.m. Categorizing your friends will also help you avoid unnecessary disappointments.

Invite your friends home so your family knows who you’re hanging out with. You’ll be glad you did.

6. Just as there is a reason why meals are differentiated breakfast, lunch, and dinner, there’s a reason why you ought to do life in the right order: go to school (middle, high, college) before getting married or having babies

Order is the law of life and life is manageable when the sequences are followed. True, there are rare exceptions to all sequences, but except you’re a genius in your craft, those exceptions might not apply to you.

If within your power, choose to complete your education first before marriage and starting a family.

7. Life development is essential, may be critical, in these areas – educationally, financially, physically, and spiritually

Decide on what you want to study, how long you’d like to study (for example, 1st degree, 2nd, PhD, JD, two 2nd degree, add a vocational, etc.) and go for it.

Schools have never been known to teach financial education; wish it will be added to the k – 12 curricula. Nonetheless, there is some teaching you can do on your own. Research and learn it sooner. What is the best saving instrument? What does the FICO score mean? What do I need to do to increase my score? What are the requirements for buying a car or house?

Physical development includes healthy habits (eating, sleeping, playing, exercising, no drugs, etc.). It also includes your regular wellness check-ups. Do your part early and your body will serve you longer.

Everyone is yearning for things in life that can only be satisfied with the knowledge of and intimacy with God. As a Christian, how I wish that everyone was or became a Christian. However, connecting with God is personal. Find yours. As you take time to develop yourself in other areas, it is equally important to develop yourself spiritual for a balanced life.

8. Are you cut out for marriage or singleness?

“There are eunuchs that are made by God; there are those made by men, and there are those having made themselves so for the kingdom of heaven’s sake …”

Matthew 19:12 KJV (King James’ Version)

Know what each (institute; yes they’re both institutes!) entails; responsibilities, benefits, and disadvantages, etc. and be prepared to work it truthfully till the end; except, of course, God redirects your steps.

9. Look for potentials in your mate and not necessarily the cool dude or prettiest girl in town. Not that this is bad of itself, but it is vanity

If you decide that marriage is for you, look for potentials with the longer-term in mind. Ask yourself if your partner is the type of man or woman whom you’d be happy with for the rest of your life, do you have the same values or anything in common, will you still be the loving spouse when the physical characteristics change such as becoming bald, putting on weight, etc.?

10. Be intentional about success.

Think early about being successful in life. What does success mean to you? Paint a picture of it and pursue it relentlessly.

. . .

All the best to you, My Younger Me. I wish I knew these sooner in my own life journey.

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

We wear many hats and should refrain from limiting our analysis of issues to a singular

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

I propose that anyone who has lived at least a couple of decades on planet earth, will undoubtedly have some things and values that can be shared such as experiences in life, career, business, gifts, talents, etc. These valuable things transcend family, education, career, business, cultures, and more. The more the decades on earth, the deeper, varied, and sometimes hilarious the experiences. Generally speaking, the 40-/50-year old undoubtedly would have more life experiences than the 18-/25-year old. Only in few rare cases would there be exceptions to this statement.

“If elders could bequeath their experience and knowledge of life to children without the children making any mistakes, they would save them from a lifetime of heartaches.”

― Neena H. Brar, Tied to Deceit

One hat doesn’t always fit all

Having said this, I believe that people’s experiences and reactions to issues vary and are uniquely individualistic. However, we live in a culture that tries to put everyone, and every issue, in a box. For example, a father reacting to an issue concerning his son or daughter will exhibit certain emotions which might not necessarily be objective because it concerns his son/daughter. However, the same man will react differently to an issue concerning a colleague or subordinate at work; and even so differently if the subordinate were his son.

Another instance is in the medical field where certain medical guides are used across board for everyone. For instance the BMI formula, which uses one’s weight and divides it by the square of one’s height, has become the yardstick to measure an individual’s obesity tendencies. (https://bit.ly/2W1c7jB)


The BMI does not take into consideration the ethic background (Asian ladies are generally petite in stature; whereas African ladies are generally “thick”). Barbie-type African ladies are often deemed to be malnourished. BMI also ignores muscle mass, bone density, or other body structures of the individual. Yet, BMI has been accepted in the USA as the norm for gauging obesity and we are all expected to accept it!

The point that I’m making is that we should analyze issues from varied points before forming a conclusion. But, should we choose to form a conclusion based on a specific viewpoint, we need to offer that viewpoint so that readers are aware of our stand. For example, a mother, might sign a petition for more prisons to be built so that criminals are taken off our streets. The mother is wearing her citizen’s hat. However, the mother, wearing her mother hat, might not be enthused to having the prison built in her neighborhood.

The issues we talk, write, or blog would be analyzed, wearing different hats, and with the purpose to better inform the reader. Since the issues are varied, the audience will also be varied. The audience will eventually be narrowed down to a niche. Our hope is that the target niche, within the year, would hopefully have learned a thing or two from the wisdom nuggets shared.

Happy reading!

We Yearn and Thirst for …

Everyone is searching for something yet not all know what it is that they are searching for.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

We work round-the-clock searching for more money. We are glad when a raise is given; we earned it, right? The boss finally recognizes all of my efforts. But, a year later, we’re asking for another raise and more money. Whoever said that one never has enough money did not lie. More money is only an example. The search could be for power, success, love, food, friends, more degrees than the thermometer (credit to Bishop T.D. Jakes!), cars, shoes, etc. I am not advocating idleness or truancy. But that no-one ought to work like a dog before making enough to sustain self and family. Many folks work two or three jobs just to make ends meet. There might be other reason(s) why some folks have to work more than one job: for example, having a side hustle, working a business in order to quit a 9-to-5 job or a hobby. These are normal occurrences. The ones we need to think and talk about is the “I-don’t-have-a-choice-than-to-do-these-two-jobs.” A two-job earner barely rests because s/he moves from one job to the next and repeat the next day and the next … The lack of rest causes stress and one is easily agitated.

Higher is calling

There is a higher calling us all yet we all do not pause to ask “Who?” or “Why?” or “Why me and to where?” We are just too busy! It is a fast-paced world, right? Else one will be left behind! But no, it is not. It is just a fast-paced world in our part of the continents, America. Because the last time, I checked, Italy takes a summer break for a month (https://bit.ly/3d2tffn), Europeans are known to take national naps and their women go on six-months’ maternity leave with pay (https://bit.ly/35iCWE3), right? while Africans take a rest justifying that “I can’t kill myself!” Even the Creator of the Universe rested. Why not you; why not me; and why not us? One thing I know for sure (credit to Oprah) is that the Creator of the Universe has a way of keeping one still. I ask the one who cannot take a break, and God forbid this: “what happens when you’re involved in an accident and become bedridden for weeks?” Or the inevitable stroke and/or paralysis occur? Unfortunately, sometimes it is necessary to paint this ugly picture for one to get it. 

Why allow the taskmaster to drive you endlessly?!

Visitors to California echo that it is a highly paced State. That the culture is different in other States. The visitors wonder why we are too time-conscious and cannot relax for a second. I have not lived in other states to experience the difference but I’m curious to find out. Please share your experiences in the comments below if you agree that California (and probably, New York) is highly fast-paced compared to other States.

The one good thing that COVID-19 has done for us all is to take a critical look at ourselves; our business, and to put our lives into a perspective. We all have been forced to sit still. If we could sit still and survive the last two or three months, we can accept this new norm going forward.

Rest is essential to the body and, in resting, we can be still and pay attention to each other, our neighbors, our environments, and our nation. We can communicate (as in listening) and value one another. But most importantly, in rest, you meditate, communicate with your inner self, and a higher being. You are calmer, peaceful, and notice a lot of things and details that others would miss. 

While writing this blog, I stumbled upon a new word “sehnsucht,” which sums up the kind of yearning that this blog is about. 

I propose to you that whenever there’s an insatiable hunger (or thirst) for something, there’s always an underlying issue that needs to be dealt with. Often, that issue is internal, deeper, and the solution can only be found in drawing nearer to the Creator for He’s the only One who can satisfy. The next time you yearn for more, take time to sit still and ask the Creator for help, to speak to you, and share your experience.

Who Am I?

None of us chose our parents, siblings, nor families.  Some of those paths were handed down to us.  But, as an adult, most of us chose the path we eventually traveled.  Yes, though the environment not a man makes, yet an environment does the man make!  But I can tell you that whether the inherited paths or those we chose to travel, good or bad, all things work together for good. 

. . .

I was born and raised into a family of 21 children. “Wow,” I heard you say Right? For real?  Yes, for real! But all the children were not born by my mother.  Praise God.  Despite all my siblings, America made me realize that I was an only child (one sharing of the same biological parents).

I was the oldest daughter, my life responsibilities came early; at age 7, I was responsible for taking care of my younger siblings – bathing, clothing, feeding, and making sure they did right! Under my granny’s tutelage, I started learning how to cook at age 13 and did other household chores much sooner than most of my siblings even though we had house-helps. Did I hear you ask, “where was your Mother?” Follow me on The Patriarch to find out. Not only was I the oldest daughter, I was the only girl amidst four brothers. It took another five years for the next daughter to arrive. Also, for about 10 years, I was the only lone child in the family. I recognized this early and learned to suppress my emotions though I loved my siblings, ate and played together, and even wore similar clothes. I saw things that were not right but looked the other way because one got in trouble for saying it. Since I had no-one to “defend” me, I learned to keep quiet. I could also tell at a young age those who genuinely loved me, my father, and us as a family. Though I missed the hugs and kisses of not growing up with my Mom, I propose that her absence helped me viewed issues more objectively and from a neutral unbiased manner.

I channeled my energy into being the best that I knew how. I was highly competitive in my elementary school; my grades fell between 1st and 2nd; once I was the 5th in class and cried all the way home. I participated in sports and always looked forward to our Sports Day. I excelled at whatever I did. High school was different though and had its challenges. I loved playing soccer with my brothers and neighbors and was the favorite goalkeeper. Should our team be losing, I will switch from goalkeeper to forward till we tied or led the game. I also realized that I dreamed a lot and some things would happen that seemed so surreal and de ja vu. I did not share those dreams with anyone until I was older. I would tell about “not liking someone” even though I was meeting them for the first time and it often turns out, sooner than later, that there was something shady or weird about the person. I thought that I was weird myself and did not understand my life.

Though no regrets, I traveled a lot of paths that, looking back now, could have been averted had I lived with both my parents.  I loved my parents nonetheless and have learned that for everything in life, there are benefits and disadvantages

Fast-forward several years later, I no longer live to suppress my emotions; I loved to be free to express myself and express myself I did. Now I “confront” issues rather than look the other way. One of those issues occurred on one hot summer day. I was about 8-months pregnant and my friend and I decided to walk to a local McDonalds for lunch. As I stood waiting for my friend, ready to leave, a young adult female ran abruptly pass me almost knocking me over. She dashed straight to the bathroom. There was only one stall at the restaurant and dashed back out again. As I stood wondering about what just happened and how to react, here comes a female Police Officer who looked like she was looking for someone or something. I approached her and she told me that “some young adults are harassing the nearby senior home and stealing from them. One of them ran in here.” I was upset about that. Why would anyone do such a thing? I described the young female I saw and pointed that she ran to the bathroom. The Officer went into the bathroom and came out with a stunning silver handgun. I almost passed out! The young female ran into the bathroom and hid it in the trash bin.

“Be the change you want to see.”

Mahtma Gandhi

We returned to work and narrated the experience.  Some would say that I was bold, some asked why I snitched, while others scolded that I could have been hurt – what if someone nearby heard me and trailed me with the intent to harm me for telling? Some even told me not to return to the restaurant ever again!  Oh well …

I have always wanted to blog.  Took me forever to get started, but I am finally doing it! 

The Chronicles of Narnia Book
Chronicles of Narnia Books Photo by Pixel

I wear several hats and those hats will be donned in my blogs. I also love and abhor some things and will talk about them from time to time.  I believe that in talking about issues we can shed light on, better understand the issue and each other, as well as find a solution.  We all are wired differently.  

All in all, I hope that I can connect with all during the year, and eventually niche down to a group, as the topics will be varied and concerns a vast group.  I am authentically me, have grown to speak the truth in love, and love to seat at the feet of Wisdom.